


The Garden of Wild Roses

by mongoose_bite



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Difference, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Older Man/Younger Woman, Post-Canon, Size Difference, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-21 23:00:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11954496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mongoose_bite/pseuds/mongoose_bite
Summary: The galaxy might now be at peace, but Allura is not. A warrior without a war, a princess without a kingdom, she decides to tuck herself away for a while, take a well earned break and work out what to do with the rest of her life.Earth is the obvious choice, the planet still coming to grips with a crowded universe but almost untouched by the recent war. Shiro organises a long holiday smoothly and swiftly, and it doesn't occur to Allura to ask if she's the only lonely alien he's installed in the village of his childhood.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is incredibly mushy and self-indulgent but I just love this pairing a whole lot and there really isn't enough of it. Enjoy, and come say hi on [tumblr](https://mongoose-bite.tumblr.com/) if you're so inclined.

 

Shiro’s office overlooked the massive construction site spreading out across the desert, huge girders clawing at the sky, cranes heaving around bits of building material borne to the site on mile-long flatbed platforms that zipped on electric rails gleaming like mercury in the sun. It all looked very quaint and old-fashioned to Allura’s eyes; everything was being done the hard way, the old way. Earth was still carefully restricting the use of extraterrestrial technology, much to the bemusement of the rest of the galaxy.

And yet they were not turning inward, not walling themselves up the way some species did. All this activity was directed towards building a spaceport that would link the planet decisively with the rest of the universe after all, and Allura could feel the excitement that clung to the project; there wasn’t a single human on site not absolutely delighted to be there, she was sure of it, and she remembered the deliriously joyful response she and the paladins had received when they’d returned to Earth for the first time.

Shiro had to be flat out; all the paladins were, as ambassadors both for and to Earth and global heroes besides. Nevertheless, when he’d heard she’d be visiting he’d cleared his schedule and had been at the landing pad to greet her. He wore a uniform of Earth now, but he was still the same old Shiro and he pulled her into a hug and welcomed her back.

She’d missed him. She missed them all, even as she knew they couldn’t have remained the same tight-knit group they had been. The paladins had entire lives ahead of them beyond Voltron, and she was so glad they were all alive to live them.

Shiro had taken her to his office, out of the glaring sun and away from the curious looks that followed them both. Allura wondered if she should have borrowed one of Coran’s disguises.

She’d thought it might be difficult to explain exactly what she wanted, given she wasn’t sure herself, but Shiro seemed to catch on immediately. Maybe he already knew what she was going through, more than the other paladins. He looked like he got a lot more sleep nowadays.

“Somewhere quiet,” he said. “But not too quiet. Somewhere you won’t be bothered, where you can relax and think things over.”

“Exactly.” She cradled her glass of water in her hands, watching the bubbles swell on the sides of the glass. “Coran wanted to come with me, but I think he deserves some time to himself too. He doesn’t need to look after me forever, and besides, he’s needed to help bring Altean technology back to the galaxy.” Allura frowned. “I’ve asked him not to call me Princess a thousand times. It’s just a courtesy title after all, but he insists and I’m-” She pressed her fingers against the glass. “Tired of it.”

She’d spent her time since Zarkon’s defeat acting as an ambassador of peace, but now peace had established itself it occurred to her that she represented no one but herself in any official capacity. It began to feel hollow; all she could do was encourage people to talk to each other, as she had no power to make promises of her own. And the powers she did have, the frightening ones, she kept secret from all but her closest allies.

Shiro looked at her kindly. He still retained a gravitas far beyond his years, and Allura sometimes had to remind herself that they were both still young.

“I know just the place,” he said. “The town I grew up in, well, I couldn’t wait to get away at the time and apply for the Garrison but when I went back recently I appreciated it a lot more. I think you’ll like it, and it’s nice and close to Tokyo, so if you feel like going shopping.”

“For something sparkly!” she interjected, and they both grinned at the memory of their return visit to the mall.

“Exactly.”

“Do you really think it will be okay for me to just wander around? I don’t know a lot about Earth.”

“You can ask any of us if you get stuck, but don’t worry too hard about trying to fit in. If anyone asks, explain that you’re Australian.”

“Australian?”

“Mm. You kind of sound Australian.”

“Is that good?”

“It’s not bad. You’ll just be a tourist on holiday so no one will mind if you’re awkward. I’ll set you up with an an income so you don’t have to worry about money, although you’ll have to register as an extraterrestrial.”

“What about the mice?” she asked.

“Uh. Let's not tell anyone about the mice. But don’t worry; they’re not about to deny you anything. Earth is honoured to host you.”

“I’m tired of being honoured, I just want to be left alone.”

Shiro frowned, considering his next words. “Allura, have you considered maybe talking to someone? A professional, I mean. Your combination of circumstances is unique, but others have gone through similar things. It might help.”

She blinked at him, startled. “Who could I possibly talk to?”

“Well, I could find you someone if you wanted. It really helped me, you know, when I came home again,” he said gently. “You don’t have to, I just thought I’d mention it,” he added, when it was clear she wasn’t going to respond.

“It’s just a holiday, Shiro,” she said. “I need a break, that’s all. I’ll be back soon enough I’m certain.” She smiled.

Back doing what, she wondered, gazing out again at the feverish activity below.

  
  


~~

It was more than a week before Allura left for Japan, her days spent catching up with the paladins, filling out forms, and completing a crash course in Earth culture. Diplomacy had been part of her training ever since she was small, and she knew how to negotiate treaties, interface between alien species and host ambassadorial balls.

Living as an ordinary person, however, was something that fell outside her experience. She was determined to give it a try, and rather than take advantage of the resources Shiro offered her she set out on her own, wearing brand new human clothing, and tugging a bright red wheeled suitcase along behind her as she made her way through the airport towards her terminal, turning briefly to wave at the paladins. They’d come to see her off, despite the risk of getting recognised and mobbed by fans. Hunk had told her the only way he’d been able to attend ComicCon (whatever that was) was in bad cosplay as himself.

She’d be able to keep in touch, and it helped to know that she wasn’t really alone here; her friends were only a call away, but it was good to pretend.

Allura allowed herself to be herded around with the humans, following directions and relieved of all responsibility for getting where she was going, for now at least. The flight was uneventful, but Allura wasn't bored. She observed her fellow passengers, watched a movie, and relished the fact that no one paid her much attention at all.

It didn't last, of course. She had to go through customs, and clearly they weren’t used to aliens arriving on commercial flights. Everyone was very polite, but Allura felt like she was stuck there for hours; she had trains to catch, and she didn’t want to be late. Shiro had written down instructions in two languages, but they’d be no good if she was delayed.

Despite being in a hurry, the first thing she did when she was finally allowed through was to duck into the toilets. She stared at her face in the mirror, and concentrated. It took only a moment to make herself human, as her ears reshaped themselves and the marks on her face faded.

She pulled an unimpressed face at her reflection. She’d gotten used to the humans’ ears, but she couldn’t say she liked the look of them on her own head. Still, now she’d be able to blend in.

She didn’t blend in. Human she might have looked but Japanese she did not, and she was aware that she was turning heads wherever she went. She raised her head and slid her sunglasses on. Let them wonder, she thought. They’d never guess who she really was.

There were about ten thousand aliens living on Earth by now, or so Shiro had told her, and it wasn’t impossible that some would end up in Tokyo, but Allura saw nothing but humans as she rode a train into the city. She’d avoided rush hour and it wasn’t too full, but when she stepped out of it she was overwhelmed by the crowd ebbing and surging across the platforms.

She was used to overlooking crowds, but being among them anonymously was disorienting and strange, and this was only the train station. She’d run out of time to sightsee; Tokyo would have to wait for another day. She tightened her grip on her bag as the mice peeked out from her collar; she’d smuggled them in in her hair.

“Right, we should get something to eat first,” she declared. They still had enough time for that at least. She found a little store selling all manner of things, boxed lunches among them, and she shared the meal with the mice, balancing the box on her lap while they helped themselves to bits of rice.

She consulted Shiro’s directions, and went in search of her train, stashing her suitcase in the appropriate place and selecting a window seat. Now she was out of the crowd she was starting to feel excited again, and she peered out, her face practically pressed against the glass, gazing at her new home.

She’d travelled with her father as a child, accompanying him on a handful of diplomatic missions. Often he was very busy when he arrived, but the journey he spent with her. Feeling nostalgic she watched Tokyo whip by, the skyscrapers replaced with samey suburbs and industrial zones that eventually gave way to open fields.

The afternoon wore on, and the sun dipped lower in the sky as they passed through a series of towns. Allura checked and rechecked which stop she was supposed to get off at.

The station was small and neat, and a couple of other people left the train with her, one talking quietly into his phone, the other a young man who stared quite openly at her until he realised she was staring back and he ducked his head and hurried away.

Allura sighed, and pulled her suitcase behind her as she left the station.

“Altea-san?” She glanced up as a balding man approached her, bowing his head with a smile. “I’m from the hotel.”

His name was Tarou, and he insisted on loading Allura’s luggage into the back of his car for her. The hotel wasn’t big enough to have a full-time driver, and Allura couldn’t tell if he worked part time or if he was doing the owner a favour by picking her up. Shiro had given some thought to where she might stay, saying he wasn’t sure she’d find a traditional inn very comfortable.

“Futons take some getting used to. I’ll put you up in a place with beds.”

Tarou drove Allura through a small town, trees budding with new leaves spreading over small, old-fashioned wooden houses. It seemed strange that Shiro really came from a place like this, and Allura wondered if any of the houses she was seeing were once his own.

Beyond the town were rice fields and forest, and Tarou told her about things she might like to see; the local shrine, the river. It was too early for cherry blossoms, he said. How long might she be staying?

“I don’t know,” Allura murmured, and he fell silent.

The hotel was a large brick building, its rather unexciting exterior softened by several trees planted close enough to tap their branches against the windows. The interior was warm and comfortable, and Allura was made very welcome by the owner. Shiro had got her a room on the top floor, with a window that overlooked the edge of the forest and a large, grassy field.

Suddenly exhausted by all her travelling, Allura kicked off her shoes, wincing as she remembered she was supposed to take them off at the door, and flopped back on the bed, wondering if she had time to sleep before dinner. Deciding she didn’t, she sat up and opened the window, letting the fresh, slightly chill air, redolent with the smell of plants waft into the room.

Blue skies, green plants, it might almost be Altea, she thought. It smelled different though, and the room behind her was very human. Rustic, she decided, turning on the lights as the twilight deepened.

She let the paladins know she’d arrived safely. She didn’t want them to worry that she’d gotten lost, and she went downstairs for dinner, grateful for Shiro’s lessons in how to use chopsticks.

  
  


~~

She slept late the next day, the sun high in the sky when she finally stirred, bewildered for a moment by her unfamiliar surroundings. She lay in bed for a while, contemplating the day that stretched out ahead of her.

“I’m on holidays,” she told the mice. “I can do whatever I want.”

She adjusted her ears again before finally unpacking, and since she'd missed breakfast she set out to explore, dressed sensibly in jeans and a light jacket over her shirt, her hair pulled back in a braid to keep it out of the way.

She wandered through the town, buying a croissant at the bakery and browsing the little convenience store. She ambled without aim, admiring the old houses and hoping one of the cats she saw lazing in the sun would approach her.

The town was quite sleepy during the day; the children were in school, and most people who worked commuted to the city. The only people left were the elderly and housewives.

Allura found a bench to sit on and she watched them for a while, letting the sun soak in through her clothes, listening to the birds and the odd vehicle driving through town. Ordinary people, living peacefully.  This was what she’d fought for.

This is what I suppose I should become, she thought. She tilted her head back, letting the sunshine warm her face, as she gazed up at the blue sky. I don’t need to fight any longer. She would become a woman of peace.

“Princess?”

Her subconscious had registered the tall, galra shape before she'd even had time to recognise the voice, and she was on her feet in an instant, her body dropping into a combat stance, her hands raised in front of her, her feet planted firmly, and the latent power within her surging. Her skin tingled with adrenaline, her heart pounding.

“I'm sorry I startled you.”

“Kolivan?” At least he looked just as surprised to see her as she was to see him. Slowly, she lowered her hands, forcing herself to calm down, feeling slightly foolish for overreacting.

He was dressed in human clothes which fitted his torso well enough, but the sleeves of his hoodie only came halfway down his forearms, and his legs were too long for his jeans. She'd never seen him in anything other than his uniform, and the effect was bizarre, to say the least.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I live here.”

“Oh.” Shiro must have recommended the place to him, which didn't really explain why he was there in the first place. Or why Shiro hadn't mentioned it to her, and Allura felt a stab of irritation that he hadn't warned her. “I had no idea.”

“Obviously. What are you doing here?”

“I'm on holiday,” she said.

“I'm sorry to have disturbed you.”

“No, it's fine. I was just, surprised.” Why was this so awkward? Once she'd realised she could trust the Blade they'd worked well together, but she couldn't say they'd ever been friends. She didn't think Kolivan was interested in that sort of thing; he remained reserved, focused on the fight, and to see him in soft civilian clothes in this setting left her at a loss as to how to respond.

So she fell back on her training.

“It's so nice to see you,” she said, smiling. “Have you been well?”

“Well enough,” he shrugged, something else she'd never seen before, and she realised he might be equally ill at ease with her sudden appearance.

“I'm sorry, if you came here to get away from everything this must be- I don't know why Shiro didn't mention it.”

“Your presence doesn't bother me,” he said. “But I won't be offended if you'd rather go elsewhere.”

“I don't have any plans,” she said. Despite his words it seemed inexcusably rude to just leave on his account. “Oh, but don't let me keep you if you do.”

He seemed to take this as an invitation to stay and talk a while longer and he sat on the bench, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He was wearing galra shoes; she supposed it would be impossible to find human ones that fitted him.

“I was going to buy some things at the shop, but I'm in no hurry. It's a nice day.”

She sat beside him, glancing at him curiously. Aside from the clothes he hadn't changed much, his hair still neatly braided, his expression impassive. It was good to see he was well, at least. When the Empire had been defeated Allura had accompanied the paladins back to Earth, and so she'd bid the Blade farewell. She assumed she'd run into them again in her diplomatic work, and honestly hadn't given it a lot of thought since.

Kolivan and the Blade seemed inextricable. She couldn't really imagine one without the other, but maybe that was her failing, as she struggled to see herself without Voltron, without the fight that had sustained her and drained her in equal measure.

“What happened to the Blade?” she asked.

“They continue. There is much to be done.” He didn't elaborate. “What have you been doing? It's been a while.”

“Nearly two years, I suppose, depending whose years you're using. I've been, well, spreading the good news. Have you been here all this time?”

“Most of it.” So he hadn’t stayed to help. She was very curious, but didn’t want to risk annoying him.

“It's nice here, isn't it?”

“It is.”

She stared out at the street, watching a van stop to let two women carrying bags cross, and realised Kolivan was looking at her narrowly. It was a bit hard to tell what those glowing galra eyes were focused on, but she quickly realised it was her ears he was looking at.

She ducked her head, self-conscious and slightly ashamed. The two women across the street barely glanced in Kolivan's direction, but how long had it taken before he became part of the scenery in this small human town? All she had to do was change her ears, the work of a moment, but he couldn't help being over seven foot tall and blue. He couldn't hide what he was.

She was on her feet before she'd realised she'd given her body the order to stand up, her own presence stifling her.

“I shouldn't keep you from your shopping,” she said, not looking at him. “I’ll see you around, I’m certain.” She had to get moving. Anywhere.

“Princess,” he began, as he got to his feet.

“You don’t need to call me that. It’s just a courtesy title.” When she glanced at him, he didn’t appear convinced.

“Very well,” he said. “Allura.” Instantly she regretted it; her name in his mouth was even weirder than his clothing. “It will be alright.” He inclined his head politely, and resumed his journey.

She watched him go for a moment and then turned and hurried off in the other direction. She wanted to be alone. Not merely apart from other people, she wanted to be rid of herself. She strode out of town, barely looking at the scenery, resisting the urge to break into a run.

She passed the hotel again and kept walking out of town, the houses growing fewer, empty fields between them. The footpath disappeared, and she was obliged to walk on the road, stepping off into the grass whenever a vehicle passed, which wasn’t often.

She made for the forest. It would have been good to exhaust herself, but she was strong, relentless, and she’d barely raised a sweat by the time she stepped among the trees.

What am I doing here, she asked herself, as she traversed the edge of the forest. What am I doing anywhere? I’m surplus to requirements. No one needs a princess, and I was raised to be nothing else. She felt suddenly angry, her braid thumping against her back gently as she stormed along the road. At first she thought it was Kolivan who had enraged her by appearing so unexpectedly, his presence inexplicable and maddeningly placid.

But it wasn't him she wanted yell at. It was her father, she realised, who had prepared her for a legacy he had then lost, casting her adrift a hundred centuries into the future. She nearly stumbled, her face growing cold with shame at the thought.

It’s not, it’s not his _fault_ he lost to Zarkon, surely. Inside her, the small child she’d once been wailed and told her it was all unfair. She saw a path leading into the forest, up the slope, and she took it, relishing the burn in her legs as she practically ran up the ancient stone steps, paying little attention to the stone lanterns that marked where the path turned suddenly.

This early in spring it was cold under the trees, but she didn’t really notice as she tried to outpace her thoughts. Cruel, unfair thoughts.

At the top of the hill the forest opened out to reveal a strange, small house. Allura slowed down, not wanting to intrude, but a closer examination revealed that no one could possibly live there. This was probably the shrine, she realised, and uncertain what was appropriate she kept her distance, giving it a respectful wide berth. Beyond it a huge tree had fallen some years before, and through the gap it had left Allura could see the countryside beyond the hill, the rail line, a motorway with traffic too distant to hear, and fields of green.

She stopped to catch her breath, and gradually she noticed the birds in the trees, the bright green of new leaves, and the small, unobtrusive flowers at her feet.

Kolivan's words came back to her; 'it will be alright.' Maybe it would be. She sat on the grass and drew her knees up, wrapping her arms around them, letting her mind empty, waiting for peace.

  
  


~~

For some reason the walk back to the hotel felt about twice as long as the walk away from it, and by the end Allura was hoping each bend in the road would reveal her lodgings. She wasn't used to her new shoes and her feet were starting to hurt, and she was hungry and thirsty. One croissant was not enough nourishment for a cross-country hike, and she was almost faint by the time she returned to her temporary home. As Allura wolfed down a late lunch, she decided she'd stay in this town for now.

Kolivan wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t like they’d have to spend time together if they didn’t want to, and it wasn’t him she was trying to get away from in the first place. If anything, his presence had become reassuring to her; he’d always had her back in battle. The worst things could be now was a bit awkward.

And she was desperately curious to know what he was doing here. Presumably he’d taken a holiday here just like she had, but why Earth? And why did he decide to retire here? He’d stayed a couple of years; that seemed a pretty permanent decision. Thinking about him made a nice change from thinking about herself and her incredibly empty life.

Tired, she went back to her room, and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she paused to hang up her coat and take off her shoes. She frowned, and let her ears revert to their normal state.

Kolivan hadn’t said anything. She was sure he wouldn’t say anything, but it was enough to know he’d noticed. One of the last alteans left, trying not to be atlean. It wasn’t like that, she wanted to tell him, but faced with the knowledge of what he’d probably gone through when he’d arrived here, it seemed like a weak argument.

The next day, she didn’t change her ears, instead arranging her hair over them. Her sunglasses covered most of the markings on her face and she decided it was an acceptable compromise.

She hadn’t slept well, tossing and turning, her mind leaping from one thing to another. Maybe this had been a bad idea; it would have been easier to keep busy, find something, anything, to do and just do it rather than sit here and think, but she’d tried that for two years and she was tired.

And yet she couldn't sleep.

She wanted to talk to Kolivan again, at the very least to fix up the less than ideal end to their last conversation, but she had no idea where he lived and wasn’t inclined to ask Shiro. So she found herself once again breakfasting on the sunny public bench. She smiled and nodded when the locals greeted her. She supposed they’d know where he lived also, but she didn’t want to look like a stickybeak. They seemed to accept her as Australian without question, and Allura's background reading was enough to answer their questions.

Kolivan didn’t show up that day, nor the next, and she'd just decided if he hadn't shown up on the third day she was going to ask Shiro when she saw the galra strolling down the road into town, once again in human attire.

He must have realised she'd been waiting for him, because he quickened his pace slightly as she stood up to greet him.

“Good morning,” he said, and she could see him biting back the 'princess' on the end.

“Hello, Kolivan. I've decided to stay here after all,”she said. She thought it was obvious, given she was still there, but he actually smiled.

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

“The hotel.” She was startled by the question. “Where else is there?”

“There's a traditional inn by the river,” Kolivan said.

“Ah. Shiro said I might not like futons. The hotel is western style.” She'd been reading up on it, and had agreed with Shiro's choice. Sleeping on the floor did not sound like fun.

“I see.”

“Would you like to talk for a while? We could go to the cafe.”

“We could, if you don't mind being the talk of the town,” Kolivan said. “I'm somewhat of a celebrity here.”

“I don't suppose we can avoid that,” she said, but she appreciated the warning.

She wanted to pepper him with questions, but interrogating him wasn't very polite, and he didn't seem very curious about her. They ordered tea at the cafe and Kolivan was asked who his new friend was.

“An old friend,” he replied.

Were we friends after all, she wondered. When their tea was served, she watched Kolivan carefully add milk.

“Does it get tiresome everything being so small?” she asked. He'd had to stoop to get through the door to the cafe, and he sat with his chair pulled back to give his legs more room under the table.

“If you live among aliens you have to be prepared to adjust to some things. The galra have had things our way long enough, don't you think?” He lifted the cup carefully. “Besides, it's worth it. Humans serve excellent food.”

“That's true,” Allura said. Seizing upon a neutral topic she shared her opinions on human cuisine so far, and the conversation started to flow more freely. The perspective of a fellow alien was a welcome one, and after two years on earth Kolivan was a wealth of information that wasn't included in Allura's guidebooks.

Before she knew it, it was lunchtime, and she didn't want to leave.

Maybe the feeling was mutual, because they ended up having lunch as well, Kolivan wielding his chopsticks with expert precision.

“We should do this again,” Allura said, as their plates were taken away.

“Yes.” No hesitation. She felt pleased.

“Well, I don't have any set plans, so any time is good for me. How can I get in contact with you?”

Kolivan had a phone. And now Allura had his number.

“I live in a farmhouse, well, it was a farm once.” He pointed back towards the hotel. “Beyond the town. Third on the left once you're past the junction. You can't see it from the road; just the track.”

She'd remember, although she wasn't sure if he was actually inviting her or just describing it. She must have walked past the turnoff on that first day she'd stormed up to the shrine.

“It was good to talk to you,” she said, as he prepared to depart for the shops. She meant it.

“Yes.”

Awkward again.

“Well, I'll see you soon,” she said brightly, and she gave him a little wave as she headed off, feeling quite light-hearted. That had gone well, she thought. She hadn't realised he'd be so easy to talk to. He'd probably missed a non-human perspective as well, even if she wasn't galra. She wondered how long she should wait before inviting him out again. Was he busy?

What did he do all day? She'd just have to investigate.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Allura was reminded that she couldn’t cut herself off completely as her friends demanded an update on her holiday. She spent her morning composing messages for them, including to Coran who had sent her a long video of himself explaining the technical details of his current project. It was good to see his face again, and equally good not to have to pretend to pay attention to everything he said.

The hotel took care of her meals and kept her room clean, but Allura was determined to do her own laundry, and learning how to do that somehow took most of the day. She had to admit, she missed the Castle. She wondered how Kolivan managed; he’d have to cook and clean everything the human way, and surely that would take hours every day.

Maybe she’d ask him next time.

She thought to get a library card, and then realised all the books were in Japanese, and soon she was downloading language learning apps. She missed the Castle’s translation software too. It just wasn’t as easy to learn without the threat of constant danger if you got something wrong.

She started going through the guide books and catching the train to places they recommended, visiting famous gardens and temples and amusement parks, and taking pictures of random human-made objects for Coran; he delighted in guessing what they were for, although he wasn't very good at it.

Kolivan didn’t say no when she messaged him and invited him to the cafe again, and soon it became a regular appointment almost every second morning; Allura would wait outside her hotel and Kolivan would walk into town from his farmhouse and they’d go the rest of the way together.

Naturally this invited some comment from Kolivan’s local acquaintances, and they agreed to tell everyone that Kolivan had visited Australia before settling in Japan and met her there. It seemed a rather unlikely story to Allura, but no one questioned it.

“They just want to make sure you’re not bothering me,” Kolivan said, with a faint smile. “Once their initial curiosity was sated, they became rather protective of me. For a while I had, hm, reporters, people like that, wanting to talk to me. The locals decided not to help them out.”

They did seem to like him, Allura thought. Quite often while they were at the cafe people would stop and say hello. Kolivan always greeted them politely, and thus Allura got to meet quite a few people through him. It was sort of nice, being in the shadow of someone more famous. She wasn’t Princess Allura here, she was Kolivan’s Australian Friend instead, and it was a peaceful place to be.

Their conversations remained light, concerned mainly with humans and the human world they were both now living in. Kolivan proved himself open to late night texting; a long dive through wikipedia had prompted Allura to ask why humans had invented both tennis and badminton, and the wry response only a short time later made her smile.

It was a pleasant routine, and Allura found herself adapting to it. It had been a long time since she’d lived on a planet rather than a spaceship with sleep cycles that could be adjusted. The sun rose according to its own laws, and the days had their own rhythms. Mornings felt different from afternoons; a simple fact planetside that everyone took for granted, but it was something that she had to relearn, dredging up memories of her time before the war.

Kolivan assured her that spring had not yet truly arrived, and each night she watched the television announcers make predictions about the cherry blossoms. She was looking forward to those; she loved flowers. There were green buds on the trees and fresh grass along the side of the road, but the nights were still cold.

Soon, she was told. Soon, she felt. Something would change.

One morning the cafe was fuller than usual and Kolivan suggested they go elsewhere rather than cram themselves in, and although Allura was by now quite attached to her morning cup of  tea, she agreed.

He took them down to the river, which she’d visited a few times before. It wasn’t very large, and a bridge spanned its placid waters. Kolivan wasn’t leading her to the bridge, however. Stepping away from the road they waded through some overgrown grass and into some bushes, Kolivan sweeping whip-thin new branches out of his face, ducking down under more sturdy growth. Allura thought he was following a faint path, but it clearly wasn’t an official track.

She could smell the river before she saw it, and when Kolivan pushed the last of the greenery aside, she saw it had widened some, forming a kind of pool, and an old weathered pier stood apparently abandoned on the edge.

Kolivan stepped out onto it and although the boards creaked it held his weight and Allura joined him, walking out over the water.

“Young humans come here in summer to swim,” Kolivan said. “People fish here too, sometimes.” He sat cross-legged on the end and Allura dangled her feet over the edge, the water a few inches below her shoes, and her reflection dark and indistinct when she peered over the edge to look at it.

“Do you come here to swim too?” she asked mischievously.

“Sometimes,” he replied, and she wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.

It was peaceful. Allura realised that no one could see them here, and they’d hear anyone approaching long before they saw them. She didn’t realise how aware she’d been of other people observing them until they were alone. Something inside of her that was always on guard began to relax.

She didn’t feel the need for idle talk, to show Kolivan Coran’s latest guesses or to exclaim over ordinary things. It had been a bit of an act, she realised now, although not one for Kolivan’s benefit.

She leaned back, propping herself up on her hands, and watched the ripples in the water.

“What do you do here?” she asked. “On Earth, I mean.”

“I have a garden,” he replied. She glanced at him in surprise. “I grow roses.”

“Are they a kind of fruit?”

He shook his head. “They’re a flower. There are many kinds; humans like them a lot so they’ve engineered various varieties. Some are quite hard to grow though. I’m just a beginner.”

“Huh.” She could imagine Kolivan growing useful things; it matched his practical nature, but to devote himself to something merely ornamental was unexpected.

“I’ll show you sometime,” he said.

“I can’t wait. I love flowers,” she said honestly. “Altea had the most beautiful flowers.” She breathed deep, trying to ease the familiar ache in her chest. She could never go home, except in digital simulation, and now she’d recalled what the natural world was truly like it seemed a poor substitute.

The galra didn’t have a home either, although they’d had centuries for the pain to be dulled.

“Why did you come here?” Allura asked quietly, half expecting he’d tell her it was none of her business.

“The same reason you did. To get away from the universe.”

“But there’s so much to do. You could have stayed-”

“I didn’t want to,” he said, looking even more forbidding than usual. “Of course I could have stayed, become some sort of moral authority. Dismantling an empire like that is the work of a generation at least. There was no shortage of things I could do to help.”

Allura stayed silent, watching him. An apology was on the tip of her tongue but she sensed it wouldn’t be welcome. Kolivan stared blankly ahead of him; whatever he was looking at, it wasn’t the river he saw.

“I couldn’t forgive them,” he said finally. “The galra.” A sideways, sudden glance at her that she wasn’t expecting pinned her in place. “I’m sure you know the feeling.”

“Not all of the galra-”

“I know. I know many suffered. I know many submitted just to survive. But so many volunteered. So many clawed their way desperately up through the ranks. Zarkon was one galra; he can’t be held responsible for everything we did.”

“Not you. You’re the Blade of Marmora,” she reminded him.

“I was not born a Blade,” he said. He shook his head. “How many attended the arena fights? Cheered when prisoners of war were made to fight armed soldiers and druid-made monsters? We have so much to be ashamed of.”

He heaved a sigh and looked at his hands, flexing his clawed fingers. “I tried. For a while. But everyone I met, everyone who wasn’t a Blade, I wondered what they’d done. I wondered how complicit they were. So many of my friends died fighting the Empire. I know they would be happy we’ve created this peace, but I cannot forgive what was done to them.

“Everywhere I went, I was either a hero or a villain, depending on whether I was recognised as a Blade, or merely a galra soldier. I wanted to get away from that. I’ve done enough. It’s not enough that the galaxy gets peace; I want some for myself too.”

“I hope you get all the peace you want,” Allura declared, practically blurting the words. I hardly know him, she thought. I never guessed any of this and I should have. Her heart went out to him.

He looked at her, his expression mildly surprised, as if he’d forgotten he was talking to anyone but himself.

“I have, thank you. You as well, Allura. You deserve it.”

“Mm.” She didn’t want to talk about herself just yet, still turning over all that Kolivan had told her in her mind.

“I would like your opinion on something,” Kolivan said after a while. “I’ve thought of it many times over the years. It’s about the Blade.”

“Of course,” Allura replied, curious.

“I was not born a Blade. I am its founder. One of its founders. One of many, I believe. I was a soldier of the Empire once. I was told I had potential. I was young.” His voice had grown quieter, dropping to little more than a low rumble. Allura leaned closer, listening carefully. “And I doubted, and once I started doubting I couldn’t stop, and I wondered why if we were such a proud and powerful people we lived in fear of each other, and of Zarkon. Shouldn’t we fear nothing?

“I discovered the Blade. A secret society, dedicated to what the galra once were, dedicated to freeing ourselves as well as the galaxy. They were all dead, of course, but they’d hidden their records, saved the weapons themselves, so rare and precious. Once I held one in my hands, I had no more doubts. I knew what I had to do. I declared war on the Empire.”

“And won.”

“Hmm.” Kolivan scowled. “I wonder about that. It occurred to me, and once I thought of it I couldn’t stop thinking of it, that the Blade might have been a lie. A pressure valve, to syphon off the most dedicated and dangerous rebels to be crushed when the time was right. It wouldn’t be something Zarkon would think of, but Haggar…” he trailed off.

“You think she set it all up?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I wanted your opinion. I never told anyone my secret doubts; I couldn’t afford to, and I banished them often. But they would creep back. Allura.” He regarded her steadily. “We can both admit that the Blade would never have toppled the empire alone.”

“You’re wrong,” Allura said. Impulsively she reached out and grabbed one of his hands in both of hers. She couldn’t get over how deep his doubts must have ran, and how he had kept going, had watched his friends die, and betrayed none of his thoughts all this time. It was the loneliest thing she’d ever heard.

“You’re wrong,” she repeated. She had to answer him honestly and carefully, back up her statement. He deserved that much. “Maybe you couldn’t have toppled the Empire alone, but neither could we. When I was captured and the paladins came to rescue me, all would have been lost if Thace hadn’t lowered the shields for us. Voltron needed the Blade. And maybe it was enough that you survived all those centuries never truly defeated. When the time was right, you were there. The best of the galra; proof that they could be saved, that they were more than the Empire.”

She looked into his eyes, trying to convince him. His hand was huge between her own and she realised she’d never touched him before, not his bare skin. His palm was smooth, but the back of his hand was lightly furred; velveteen, and his claws were short and blunt. He didn’t pull back, just let her hold his hand even though she was squeezing it quite hard, as if brute force could help convince him.

“And even if it was a lie once, you made it the truth. With Slav’s help they could never have found you and crushed you like they did your predecessors. And if you hadn’t found the Blade, you would have made your own.”

“You don’t know that,” he said. “I doubted, nothing more.”

“No one who merely doubted could have done what you did,” Allura said. “You stole their Champion, infiltrated their high command, and all this before Voltron. Just because it wasn’t enough doesn’t mean it was nothing.”

Slowly he curled his fingers up over her own, and he smiled. “Thank you. Thank you for your faith in us.”

She didn’t know if she’d laid his doubts to rest or not. He squeezed her fingers gently and released them, and she put her hands in her lap. She felt shaky, like she’d just walked along a cliff top, but exhilarated too. For the first time in a while, her words had meaning. She wanted to thank Kolivan for the opportunity to listen, to return the favour and share some of the things weighing her down, but she was still turning over all he’d said.

There would be another time, she decided.

She spent the rest of the day in a sort of daze, reliving past events in light of this new information. She was curled up in bed, waiting for sleep when she found herself crying quietly; the Blades she had so praised hadn’t survived long. They’d sacrificed themselves so swiftly, so completely, that at the time she’d barely acknowledged them as real. They’d deserved better of her.

She let herself cry, hidden in the dark, behind closed curtains and under the blankets, knowing Kolivan would never hear how she felt. Would never know she’d cried. To demand sympathy from him over this, when she’d had none at the time, would be nothing less than an insult to his own grief.

  
  


~~

The next day felt different. The sky was cloudy and it gave the world a mysterious feel, like something unexpected could happen at every moment. After crying herself to sleep the night before Allura felt strangely cheerful, like she’d turned a corner. You can cry and the world doesn’t end.

Shiro had been right; talking to someone did help, even if they were the ones doing all the talking, she mused as she ate toast in the dining room of the motel.

When she stepped outside even the air smelled different, and she wondered what was going to happen. Deciding against sealing herself up in a train on a more ambitious expedition she set out on foot, absorbing the atmosphere. No wonder Kolivan found this place so interesting; it changed all the time.

Allura thought she might visit the shrine again. She'd done her background reading since, and it had been in the back of her mind to return sometime soon and pay proper respects, and she wanted to get a closer look at the structure. Perhaps a day so strange as this one would suit the journey.

She set out cheerfully. The air was cool and moist, and she couldn't even be sure where the sun was in the sky. There were no shadows. She wondered if she should have taken a jacket, but the walk would keep her warm. She didn't intend to stay long at the shrine; she wanted to be back for lunch.

She jumped as something made a loud noise from the long grass beside the road. A harsh croaking, that was answered somewhere in a nearby field. Kolivan had told her there were no dangerous animals living nearby, but she was still cautious as she leaned over the grass, looking for the source of the sound.

Something quite small, about the size of a mouse, hopped in the grass.

“Ah! Frog! Or toad.” It was a thousand times smaller than the ones she was familiar with from the Trajon B system. How cute, she thought. She wondered why they were all suddenly singing. Must be the weather.

She noticed a faint mist gathering in the distance, and a strange, sweet smell in the air. What next, she wondered.

Something touched the back of her hand. And then her cheek, cool and wet. She looked up and felt more dots of moisture on her face.

She realised then it had to be rain. Just like Lance said! Water falling from the sky; she stretched out her hands to better catch the drops. The drops were too fine to see falling, and she could only feel them once they landed on her skin.

“Lance would love this.” She immediately got out her phone and took a lot of pictures, none of which captured any rain. It was harder than it looked, she realised. The pictures just looked slightly blurry in the distance.

The frogs were singing again, and the grass shivered when a raindrop touched it. This is magnificent, she thought. What an amazing planet.

Kolivan has to see this. It would be terrible if he missed it, and she trotted down the road, smiling, hoping it wouldn't stop before she could show him. He might have seen it before, but it was so easy to miss; just a bit of mist in the distance and she didn't know how common it was. It felt so nice, like the whole world was refreshed.

She was passing the outskirts of what she felt was the town proper, when the amount of water falling from the sky abruptly increased, and she gasped as she felt a cold rivulet run down her spine, and almost instantly the water seeped in through her clothes and plastered down her hair.

“Oh, quiznak.” She could hear it now, pattering on the ground, the road getting shiny and slick. More frogs were taking up the chorus, and she could hear birds in the trees singing loudly. They seemed to approve of the rain at least. “I didn't realise it could change like this,” she said, blinking water out of her eyes. She hesitated, wondering if she should try and run back to the hotel.

It was quite a distance, regardless of which way she went.

It wasn't in Allura's nature to give up. Her journey was probably a bit superfluous by now but she thought Kolivan's house was probably closer. She hoped.

She started to run, squinting against the rain. She hoped the rain would let up again, but it continued to fall steadily as her feet pounded the bitumen. She kept under the trees as best she could, seeking a bit of shelter, but the leaves weren't thick enough to make much of a difference.

Her shirt clinging damply to her back and chest, her shoes squelching, she paused at the turnoff she believed led to Kolivan's house. If it's not him, she thought, I hope whoever lives here is home.

There was no gate, just a dirt path worn deep over the years and overhung by trees for the first little way. Already there were puddles forming on it, and she had to slow down to avoid slipping in the mud.

The trees opened out to a large grassy field bordered by the forest, and in the middle of it stood an old wooden house with peeling paint and shutters closed tight against the weather. There were a couple of large trees next to it, and it had a thin metal chimney sticking up from the roof. There might have been a garden behind it but Allura wasn't sure.

She hurried up the path, her jeans slightly splattered with mud and her hair hanging limp and damp around her face

She shivered as she approached the house, and swiped her sleeve across her face to mop up some of the water before knocking on the door. She waited, hearing soft footsteps inside, and she prepared a slightly sheepish smile as the door slid open.

Kolivan didn't even try to hide his surprise, and Allura supposed she was quite a sight.

“I um, wanted to tell you it was raining,” she said, a bit breathlessly. “Isn't it amazing? I’m afraid I might have been a bit carried away by it all.”

He stood aside and she stepped into a little room slightly below the level of the rest of the house. A few pairs of shoes, all galra size, were lined up against the wall, and a coat hung on a hook.

“Wait here,” he said. “Take your shoes off.”

She did as he asked, wondering if she was disturbing him as he padded off through the house, smoothly ducking his head under the doorways. I should have gone back to the hotel, she thought, feeling a bit sorry for herself. He hadn't looked particularly pleased to see her.

He came back a short while later with a large towel, and Allura accepted it gratefully.

“I'm sorry for disturbing you,” she said. “I know I didn't warn you I was coming. It was all a bit spur of the moment. I'll be out of your way as soon as possible.”

“Allura,” he cut her off. He looked at her for a few moments, impassive, as she stared back, peeking out from under the towel as she tried to dry her hair a little. “I am.” He pressed his lips together. “Trying not to laugh,” he confessed, and the facade cracked, and he chuckled at her while Allura tried to work out if she felt more relieved or affronted, and her ambivalence must have been reflected on her face because it only seemed to amuse him further.

“Well then, that's, uh.” She let the towel slide around her shoulders. “It was foolish of me, wasn't it?”

He bent down and collected her shoes.

“I did the same thing,” he said. “When it rained the first time. There's no harm in it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.”

“Well, some of it.”

“Come on,” he said. “I'll get you some dry clothes. Try not to drip everywhere.”

He led her through the house, and she peeked through into rooms at every opportunity. It seemed to be furnished in a traditional Japanese style, which she supposed suited him. It made sense he'd prefer sit on the floor as he didn't fit in human chairs or under human tables very well. The house was clean but not particularly tidy. Lived in. He stopped and ushered her into a bathroom, complete with an empty tiled bath.

“Dry off properly in here. And give me your clothes; I'll try and dry them a bit too. You can't sit around in them like that.”

A bit startled by the realisation he expected her to strip off she simply stared at him as he slid the door shut to give her privacy.

Well, he was right, she supposed. She took off her shirt and jeans, and decided her underwear wasn't that bad. Just damp. She slid the door back a little and peeped through when she heard Kolivan's footsteps outside again. He handed her a bundle of clothing, carefully staring down the hallway rather than looking at her bare arm and strip of shoulder as she accepted them, which was really rather endearing. She gave him her clothes and shut the door again.

This was not how she imagined her first visit to his house would go. She crossed the room and slid the window open a little, looking out behind the house at the rain. She could see some plants but it all looked a bit dreary. She could hear the water hitting the roof and gurgling along the guttering and she shivered, quickly drying off and investigating the clothes he'd given her.

It went without saying that they didn't fit. She could practically fit both her legs into one of the trouser legs, and she gave up on them; she'd have to constantly hold them in place, and would trip over the ends anyway. The sweater reached her knees; it was practically a dress on her and she decided it would do. It smelled like it had been packed away in a closet or somewhere, and seemed nearly new. The sleeves hung over the ends of her fingers, and when she pushed them up they fell right back down again. It would keep her hands warm at least. She hung the towel up and went in search of her host, her hair still somewhat damp and tangled.

Kolvian was in the kitchen, crouching down in front of the wood stove, the firebox open as he fanned the flames. Her clothes were draped over a wooden rack nearby.

“Make yourself at home,” Kolivan said, still intent on getting the fire going. “I'll make tea.”

Tea sounded heavenly and Allura said so before leaving him to it. She knelt on one of the cushions around the low table in the living room. There was a TV on the wall and a computer console attached to it, but both were powered down. Aside from the table and cushions there wasn't any other furniture, just rather haphazard piles of books and magazines around the edges of the room. Wood pulp was a really old fashioned way of storing information, she thought.

Then again, he was burning wood for heat; it didn't get much more old fashioned than that.

Curious, she peered at the titles. There were a lot of large books on exterior design, gardening and plants in general, a smattering of books on human history and culture, and a surprising number of novels in both Japanese and English. She carefully extracted a book on flowering plants from a pile, and opened it up on the table. It was quite large, with big, glossy pictures. Allura propped one elbow on the table and turned the pages; it really was better than looking at them on a screen.

She didn't realise Kolivan had entered the room at first, and when she glanced up at him he seemed to be miles away, taking a few moments to focus and meet her eyes before telling her the tea would be ready soon. Abruptly he turned and left again.

What was that about? He hadn't been looking at her face. She glanced down and realised that the way her legs were folded underneath her made the edge of the sweater ride up above her knees. She frowned, and tugged the sweater’s gaping neckline a bit higher on her shoulders.

She was imagining things, surely. He wouldn't care.

Indeed he didn't seem any different when he came back a short while later, two huge cups of tea on a tray.

“You’ll want to memorise that one,” he said, as she shifted the book to make room for the tea. She’d been looking at some adorably fluffy round yellow flowers. “They’re Australian,” he explained.

The teacups were practically the size of soup bowls. Kolivan had found crockery to suit a galra’s appetite and Allura was grateful, cupping hers in both hands. She’d done her reading on tea, but truthfully her alien palate couldn’t do much more than tell green from black. Kolivan had made the latter, sweet and with milk; the perfect choice for a rainy day.

“Thank you,” she said. “You can really hear the rain, even indoors.” It was a strange sound; a constant reminder of what was outside. “The walls aren’t very thick. Will this house be okay?”

“It’s sturdy enough,” Kolivan said. “It’s been here a while.”

“Does it rain often?”

“It depends on the season,” Kolivan said. “You should wait for the storms.” He smiled. “They’re really something to see. And hear.”

“I’ll look forward to it then.” The sound, now she was assured the house was secure, was rather soothing, although it might have been the tea relaxing her. Kolivan was his usual self; comfortable with silence, and after their conversation at the river Allura wasn’t sure what to say, so she sipped her tea and listened to the rain.

“Isn’t it a lot of work, living like this?” she asked eventually. “Building a fire and all of that.”

“I don’t do it every day. I have plenty of appliances,” Kolivan said. “It’s not so bad. In the past I had to hear reports and plan missions every day. Chopping wood or vegetables isn’t a hardship by comparison.”

“I see.” Allura wondered if she should give it a try sometime.

“Sometimes it gets boring,” Kolivan continued. “But I feel lucky to be in a position to be bored. Don’t you?”

“I suppose.” Allura set her cup down on the table. “To be honest, everything’s felt boring recently. I had lots to do. No,” she corrected herself. “I did lots of things, but after Voltron it all felt a bit empty.

“All my life it’s been clear what was ahead of me. First I was a princess, and I was trained to be queen someday. It was all laid out.” She sighed. “I was looking forward to some of it; I wanted to defend the universe, like my father and the other paladins. But even the bits I didn’t care for, well, it was my duty, right?”

Kolivan listened, watching her with that solemn, glowing gaze.

“Then the war, and Voltron. I had no choice in any of it. It was unthinkable to run away, and um.” She swallowed. “Some of it was really hard. I wasn’t really prepared for any of it in the end. Oh, I don’t know. For that first while it felt like I was drowning, constantly struggling to stay afloat and smile, even when all I wanted to do was cry. But we did it.”

She took a deep breath, “And now it’s over. And I have a choice, for the first time in my life, and I don’t know what to do with it.”

“You don’t have a choice,” Kolivan said. “You have many. You have choices for every day you live, and you don’t have to make them all at once. The way you’ve been living now, I think it’s fine. On this planet, most humans get caught in the rain sometime, so taking the time to do that yourself isn’t bad.”

“But I’m not human. On Altea we had flaming rocks.”

“Then in some aspects Earth is an improvement, is it not?”

“Well, I want to argue. But I can’t.” She smiled at him. “Thank you for listening to me.” She felt a bit lighter, even though she couldn’t yet see a way forward. Being busy and making no progress was very different to standing still and accepting it.

“You did the same for me. You can’t expect to find your own pace right away.”

“How did you find yours? Why did you start a garden?” She looked at the books. “I can see you’re taking it seriously.”

“Something like that is worth doing well. Knowledge and preparation are vital for successful missions, and successful gardens.”

She smiled. Now there was the Kolivan she remembered. “Trust you to turn gardening into a mission. Can I see it?”

“Yes. But I’d rather show you on a better day than this one.”

“I’ll come back then, sometime soon.”

“You’re always welcome to visit,” he said, peering into his teacup.

Allura felt very happy.

“I suppose I wanted a challenge, something different that I’d never tried before. I wanted to grow something, look after it, but I didn’t trust myself with animals and I wasn’t sure they’d get used to an alien anyway. I had so much to learn about Earth when I started. Humans make beautiful gardens; I explored many before I decided to live here permanently.”

“I’ve been to a few as well,” Allura said.

“Oh, which ones?”

They talked as the rain continued to fall, and Kolivan served miso soup and pickled vegetables and rice for lunch in bowls too large for Allura to finish. Afterwards she just wanted to curl up and sleep. Kolivan had taken the bowls back to the kitchen and she rested her head on the table, pillowed on her arms.

“I think you should go back,” Kolivan said gently.

Allura blinked and raised her head; she hadn’t realised she’d closed her eyes.

“Your clothes are mostly dry. I don’t think the rain is going to stop today, and it will get dark early. It would be best not to leave it too late.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t really want to leave, she realised, but it would be rude to overstay. Her legs were stiff from kneeling for so long, and she stretched as she got to her feet, flexing her legs and wincing a bit.

“Thank you for letting me borrow this,” she said, looking down at the sweater.

“It’s too small for me anyway,” Kolivan replied, his gaze sliding away from hers.

Her clothes were still slightly damp but they were warm when she changed back into them. Kolivan had done his best to dry out her shoes as well but they were still cold and squelchy when she pulled them on. Allura stood in the entryway to the house peering out at the rain.

“Here,” Kolivan handed her a large umbrella. “That will keep you dry.”

“Thank you. I’ll bring it back soon,” she promised, unfolding it with a satisfying ‘whump’. The rain pattered down on it quite loudly when she stepped outside. She sighed as she considered the long walk ahead of her. Best get started.

She turned back and waved, and Kolvian nodded, still standing in the doorway, watching her go.

“Safe trip,” he said, and she had to strain to hear him over the sound of the rain.

When she got back to the hotel she had a long hot soak in the bath and washed her hair, which took ages to untangle. The rain fell all day and into the evening, and it gave all the lights outside gleaming haloes, and the cars passing on the road looked like ships on an ocean.

After dinner Allura sat at the dressing table in her room, brushing her hair as she started to address a message to Lance.

“It rained today,” she began. She smiled. “It rained today,” she repeated softly, and seized with sudden restlessness she abandoned her brushing and got up and flopped down on the bed, still smiling. She buried her face in the pillow for a moment then rolled onto her back, feeling giddy and light-hearted. “It was lovely,” she said, as the mice watched her curiously from the window sill.

  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Allura stood in the middle of her hotel room in a state of near undress and despair, her bed almost completely covered in clothes.

“Why don’t I have anything to wear?” she asked the mice. “I could wear that, I suppose,” she replied to their squeaked suggestions. “But I don’t want to.”

It had continued to rain on and off for the next few days. On the third day without sunshine Allura had felt miserable and downhearted and had spent the day feeling neglected by her friends and generally loathing everything, but then the sun had returned and her spirits rose again.

She’d bought herself an umbrella somewhat smaller than Kolivan’s, but she hadn’t had a chance to return the one she’d borrowed. With the sunlight streaming into her room and birds chirping in the trees outside, she’d messaged the galra to suggest she bring the umbrella back and see his garden.

He’d replied that she was welcome to, and that was how she found herself in the throes of her current dilemma. She knew it was silly, she knew it didn’t really matter, but everything she’d tried on that morning seemed wrong. Boring. All her clothes were very sensible, purchased with the idea that she’d be travelling around, spending long days on her feet or in public transport, and generally prepared for anything (except rain, as it had turned out.)

“I need to go back to Tokyo,” she declared. “Buy some more clothes.” She’d been putting it off, deterred by her memories of the crowds, but she was well used to humans by now and there was a lot there she wanted to see and do.

It didn’t help her today, however.

“Hold on, I just remembered something.” She hurried over to her suitcase and opened it. America had been very hot, and she’d bought some clothes during the week she’d stayed there and packed them away when she’d arrived in Japan, intending to save them for summer.

It wasn’t summer yet, but the sun was warm enough for her very favourite dress. She hoped. And it if wasn't, she'd endure. It was a fairly simple design with flowers printed on it and Lance had declared she looked amazing when she'd worn it for the first time. Although he was definitely biased, and always approved when she wore blue. She unfolded it carefully and slid it over her head, smoothing it down in front of the mirror with a smile. The hemline was just above the knee, and she swished the skirt around, admiring her legs in the reflection.

“I think this is perfect,” she said. She threw a jacket on over the top, and it made the dress look slightly less unseasonal. She bid the mice farewell and waltzed out, only to scurry back two minutes later to retrieve Kolivan’s umbrella.

She went into town first to buy croissants from the bakery. It seemed ungrateful not to arrive with something, given all he’d done for her, but it meant she felt like she had to hurry after making the detour. Maybe it was a good thing she’d dressed lightly, she thought as she strode along the by now familiar road out of town.

It was a beautiful day. The rain had left the earth smelling sweet, and everywhere plants were blooming and budding. The sky looked freshly scrubbed, only a few wispy bits of cloud to break up the blue.

Kolivan’s driveway was still somewhat muddy, and Allura picked her way along it until she could step onto the grass and walk beside it. As the house came into view she could see he’d pulled back some of the sliding panels along the sunny side, and the windows were open. The old wood had been grey in the wet but in the sunshine it had faded to a pale silver, and the flaking paint shone bright and clean.

It was a charming place. Kolivan had picked well, or gotten very lucky, or maybe it looked just like all the other ones, but knowing a friend lived here and was happy made it seem special.

Allura knocked on the door, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair.

She didn't have to wait long, and Kolivan smiled at her as he opened the door.

“Good morning.”

“Hello!” she greeted him cheerfully. “I brought your umbrella. And croissants. I hope you like them; I wanted to say thank you for looking after me last time.” She practically shoved them into his hands, still feeling slightly self-concious about the whole episode, as much as she'd enjoyed herself in the end.

“I do, thank you. Come in.”

He stood aside and didn’t say a word about her outfit as she took off her shoes. Which, what had she expected really? She had no reason to be disappointed.

“I suppose you’re keen to see the garden,” he said.

And you, she wanted to add, but instead she nodded. He put away the things she’d brought, and led her through the house again to the back door, reached via the laundry. He paused, his hand on the door.

“You know, I almost wish I had a few more years to prepare it,” he said. “It’s a new garden. It’s not very large, or well-established.”

He’s nervous, she realised. This garden clearly meant a lot to him, as did her opinion, apparently.

“Kolivan.” She touched his arm. “I’m sure it will be fine.” She was determined to love it no matter what it looked like now.

He opened the door.

Practical things struck her first. The woodpile against the side of the house, the clothes line, a well-kept lawn, and several paving stones that led away from the house, towards a cluster irregularly-shaped garden beds from which grew a variety of plants, some flowering.

Even to Allura's inexperienced eye the garden was clearly young. The plants hadn't really grown into their garden beds, and aside from the old giants by the house, there were no established trees.

She followed the path, the paving stones sun-warm under her bare feet, Kolivan silent at her side as she looked at budding flowers. The path eventually stopped at a patch of lawn bordered by garden beds and remains of an old wooden fence, now covered with a kind of flowering plant that had climbed all over the structure. A gap in the fence led to more broken ground, more planned garden. There were young trees dotted about the field, each surrounded by a little patch of tended ground. Kolivan's plans were ambitious, she could tell.

Allura took a deep breath, realising the air smelled sweet here as she approached the fence to gaze at the flowers. This seemed to be the centrepiece so far.

“This was where I started,” Kolivan said, reaching out to graze a hand across the leaves. “These are wild roses. They’re hardy enough to grow by themselves, so I thought I couldn’t hurt them too badly.”

Allura stepped closer. Most of the flowers were still buds, but some had opened, unfurling petals of pale pink.

“They have thorns,” Kolivan warned her, as she reached out to touch one. “The cultivated varieties are bigger and more colourful,” he explained. “I’ll grow them too, eventually.”

“They’re beautiful,” Allura said. When she turned to look at him he was watching her, and she smiled encouragingly. He drew breath to speak and then she saw him change his mind, swallowing back whatever he was going to say.

“Wait a moment,” he said instead. He went back to the house and returned with a short blade. He looked over the roses for a moment, and then selected one, slicing through the stem and stripping off the thorns with a practised air. Satisfied, he turned and offered her the flower.

“Thank you.” She lifted it to her nose, and breathed deep. It smelled nothing like the flowers on Altea, but nevertheless she was gripped by an intense nostalgia.

I’m not sad, she realised. These new flowers I’m discovering are too beautiful. As long as there are new stars, new planets forming, there will always be new flowers somewhere.

“Tell me what these are?” she asked, pointing to a different plant, and Kolivan indulged her, naming everything as she twirled the stem of the rose between her fingers, following him around the garden, feeling the sun soak into her shoulders, a drowsy buzzing of little flying creatures filling the air. Kolivan told her they were bees, and welcome in the garden.

The glow in Kolivan’s eyes was dulled in the sunlight; she could see the iris and pupil quite clearly for the first time, and suddenly he wasn't so hard to read. He looked at her often, she realised, checking her reactions to his beloved garden, and each time he did she reminded herself that she was there to look at the garden, not him. His silver braid gleamed in the sun, and he spun the blade idly around his fingers as he talked, the sunlight glinting off it.

He had grand plans for his garden, plans that would take years to enact. Trees and paths and rocks, still only sketched out in his mind. His face was so animated as he explained his plans, Allura felt she was getting inspired as well. He wanted to fill the field eventually, he said.

“Or is that too ambitious, do you think?”

“Just ambitious enough,” Allura said. “People will come from all over to see it.”

Kolivan seemed less enthused by that idea. “Maybe after I’m dead,” he said.

“You’re not that old,” she said. “Are you?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“There’s life in me yet,” he said, looking amused.

She could imagine that. However old he was, he moved just as smoothly as he'd always done. “Do you still train?” she asked, her eyes drawn to the blade in his hand. It had to be razor sharp, and just the potential of it, of his latent lethality, struck a chord that had lain silent within her since the end of the war.

“Well, I practice. It’s a bit hard to train by myself.”

“No training bots here, I suppose. I’ll train with you sometime, if you want,” she offered, trying to make it sound like she was offering a favour and not begging one.

The truth was she wanted to see him fight again, and wanted to test herself against him too. She'd once believed the galra were warlike and the alteans sought peace, but she was older and wiser now, and knew they were more alike than she'd felt comfortable admitting in the past. The humans fought magnificently, the paladins had made her proud, but they were not warriors the way she and Kolivan were, it wasn't bred into their bones.

“Do you have a weapon?”

“Maybe I don’t need one.”

“We’ll see, won't we?”

They ate in the garden, Kolivan serving coffee with the croissants, the pair of them sitting cross-legged and barefoot on the grass. Allura tucked the rose behind her ear to free her hands up for the food. When she did so Kolivan smiled and said it suited her. His smile suited him.

“It’s such a lovely little garden,” Allura said. “I could sit here for ages.”

“Yes. It's very satisfying.”

“Is it a lot of work?”

“Sometimes. I have to do a lot of planting in spring. And preparing new garden beds. It will get easier once the plants are established.”

“I could help if you like,” she said. “We could start right now.”

“You're not really dressed for it,” he pointed out. “It would be a pity to ruin such a nice outfit.”

“Oh.” Dress redeemed, Allura thought. “Thank you. I don't want to keep you if you've got things to do though.”

“Well.” He was obviously reluctant to admit it, but he told her that with the rain still soaking into the ground, it was a good time to garden. “But I don't mean to make you feel like you have to leave,” he told her.

“If you don’t mind I could stay while you work. That way I can see how it's done, right? I could keep you company.” She smiled hopefully at him.

“I would like that,” he said slowly. “I enjoy your company.”

It was probably the sunshine, Allura thought. The sunshine and hot coffee, anyway. That was why she felt so warm.

So once they'd finished eating Kolivan got to work on one of the new garden beds. While he knelt on the ground, digging holes and planting seeds, Allura sat on the grass nearby, her legs stretched out in front of her, and watched him work. Kolivan didn’t seem to feel what he was doing needed any explanation; the most he did was tell her what sort of seeds he was planting. He had a vegetable garden as well, off around the side of the house near the woodpile and washing line, but it was clear he regarded it as a mere practicality; his labour of love was the rose garden.

And it was a labour of love; she could see that in the way he worked, carefully, and unhurriedly, unbothered by the dirt accumulating under his claws and griming his hands and forearms. He examined the seeds before planting them, and buried them gently. He filled a watering can from a tap on the side of the house, walking back and forth as many times as he needed to. When he washed the dirt off his arms, the blue fuzz turned indigo in the wet, giving him a piebald look.

“When will they start to grow?” Allura asked, inhaling the smell of freshly turned earth.

“A few days, hopefully. Do you still want to help, now you've seen what it involves?”

“Just say the word, and I’ll be here.”

Kolivan didn’t have much to offer for lunch, and they walked back into town together to eat at the cafe, Kolivan going on afterwards to the shops.

~~

“Did you know about Kolivan’s garden?” she asked Shiro that evening.

“Well, I’ve never seen it, but he has mentioned it. What’s it like?”

“It’s very nice. It’s not what you’d expect from him, is it?”

“Why, what did you expect?”

Allura realised she didn’t know how to answer. “I suppose I didn’t know him very well.”

“He’s a good person,” Shiro said. “We talked quite a bit when he first came here. I hoped you’d get along.”

“I’m going to help out in his garden,” she said, and was surprised by the broad grin Shiro gave her. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m not laughing at you. I think that’s excellent. When I came home I needed something to keep me busy, but also something calming. Sometimes it felt like I was overhauling my hoverbike every weekend. Well, I guess it’s Keith’s hoverbike now.”

“Oh, I should get one of those!”

“Allura, you need a licence first. And to do that you have to pass the exams.”

She sighed. It would be fun to have a bike, but she didn’t feel constrained by not having one yet. It was something to consider long term. Maybe for the summer. She could see if Kolivan wanted to go for a ride.

She wondered when she’d accepted that the weeks she’d planned to stay here were going to slide into months. This doesn’t really count as living here, she thought, regarding her hotel room; she was still only visiting.

That would be okay for now.

  
  


~~

Allura went back to Tokyo the next day, and her second visit was much more pleasant than the first. The paladins had given her a whole list of suggestions, far more than she could attempt in one trip, and she restricted herself to shopping and exploring the Ginza district, since she had an excuse that she needed a bigger wardrobe. She had a lot of fun buying clothes and sent dozens of selfies to her friends, although only Lance was consistently enthusiastic about her outfits, and was full of advice she didn’t entirely trust.

The shop assistants were very nice, and all assumed that the marks on her face were some sort of make-up. She ended up buying some eye-shadow to match. Why not? It hadn't occurred to her that aliens were still so rare no one would guess she was one.

_I’m so sorry for spending all your money_ , she texted Shiro as she took a break in a cafe, bags piled up near her feet and a concoction of chocolate and cream in a tall glass on the table in front of her.

_Just as long as you can fit it all on the train at the end of the day._

She’d only sent one picture to Kolivan. She wasn’t entirely sure whether they were the sort of friends that sent pictures but she’d wanted to send him something, and after thumbing through dozens of selfies she sent the one she liked the best.

He didn’t reply for ages, and she spent a good half an hour grumping at her phone, and nearly dropped it in her haste when he did finally answer.

_Thank you._

“What did I expect?” she asked herself.

She was exhausted when she finally came home, taking a late train after being unable to resist the lure of eating somewhere new. She was tempted to stay out even later, but she was lugging around too many bags, and Tokyo wasn't going anywhere. Tired and satisfied with the day she slept well.

Allura felt a bit guilty inviting Kolivan out for tea again so soon. She knew he had other things he was doing, and his lifestyle in general suggested he appreciated solitude, but he never declined an invitation or indicated any reservations, and so it was hard to know if she was bothering him or not.

But she was desperate to share her trip to Tokyo, and the paladins had practically had the experience live-blogged for them so she couldn't inflict her enthusiasm on them further.

They met as usual in front of Allura's hotel, and Kolivan listened as Allura talked. They had tea the cafe, but afterwards by unspoken agreement they went back to the pier over the river to talk, rather than stay and linger over their cups.

“Anyway,” Allura said, having finally come to the end of her photos. “I'm a bit scared to add up all the money I spent. It's not even mine, really.” Royalty had money, in a sense, but they were also beyond money; it was useful when travelling, but otherwise everything was provided free of charge. She knew she wasn't very good at managing it; Coran had handled most of that sort of thing.

“Shiro doesn't mind,” Kolivan said. “It's not like you're buying, hm, what's expensive here? Picassos, for instance.”

“Do you talk to Shiro a lot?” Allura asked as she surreptitiously googled Picassos.

“Not all the time, but when I first came here, yes. I had many questions, and he's a good listener.”

“So are you,” Allura said. Paintings huh? Not really her style. She sighed. “I'm supposed to be getting away from the whole princess thing,” she said. “Maybe I should earn some money.”

“You could do what I do,” Kolivan said. “The pay's pretty good.”

“You have a _job_?”

“It seemed only right to get one, since I'm living here. The humans want to know everything and so various groups get permission to send me long lists of questions; they don't just want facts, they want opinions, nuances.” He narrowed his eyes. “Some of their questions make me question their sanity. Anyway, aside from that they're constantly inviting me to talk to important people for important reasons, or so they claim.”

“What do they really want?”

“To gawk. I might be more inclined to oblige if they were honest about it. There's a long queue, and if I didn't set my own hours I'd do nothing else. I'm sure you could too.”

“Hm. Doesn't sound all that much fun though. When I went to Tokyo yesterday four different people approached me to offer me a job as a hostess. And one for a model. Can you believe it?”

“Yes,” Kolivan said shortly, gazing steadfastly at the water, looking slightly irritated. Allura waited in vain for further comment.

“Maybe I should give it a try. Do you think I'd be good at it?” She nudged him.

“No.” He frowned. At her mildly affronted look he added. “You do not suffer fools gladly in service of the universe. Would you do so for hours on end for mere money?”

“Well, no I suppose not.” She flopped back on the pier, the wood warm beneath her back. It wasn't entirely comfortable, but she could look up at the sky, or turn her head slightly and watch Kolivan. He'd have to twist around to do the same. “I could model though. That might not be so bad. All those lovely clothes.”

He did twist around then, regarding her with a hard, intent look, and Allura suddenly didn't feel as comfortable lying there. Her feet were dangling over the edge of the pier so she couldn't get leverage, couldn't get them under herself quickly. Her belly and throat were exposed to attack like this, her arms useless down by her sides and she had to force herself not to move as her breath lodged in her throat. It was just Kolivan. He would never hurt her; he was just looking at her, his face a mask.

“You could,” he said eventually, and to her infinite relief he turned away again.

Allura sat up. “I don't think I want to though,” she said, subdued. Point taken.

“It wouldn't suit you; you'd still have to endure many fools. What did you want to do when you were small?”

Allura sighed. “Pilot a lion and protect the universe.” She smiled wryly. “Fight space pirates and rescue spaceships from black holes. And, you know, rule wisely and justly.”

“Not your favourite part?” Kolivan asked.

“Well, not compared to fighting space pirates,” she smiled sadly. “It was fine. I like the dresses, and helping people, but it wouldn't have mattered if I didn't. It was an obligation, not a choice, and I always knew that. It was always in the background. I never thought about what I wanted to do, because it didn't matter what I wanted, ultimately.”

“Did it bother you?”

“Sometimes. When I was a teenager mostly. It seemed really unfair I'd have to find someone suitable, settle down and make sure there was an heir. My father really loved me, and he was away so much. Imagine if I'd just been an obligation.”

She shrugged. “Now none of that matters. I couldn't do it even if I wanted to because none of it exists any more. I can do anything I want, or so everyone keeps telling me, but I don't know what that is! It's so unfair; everyone's found something and I'm just adrift.”

“I know-”

“No you don't!” She rounded on him. “You've got all of this! You've found the perfect life; your garden, you've got a job, you've got a whole town of people who like you and a really cute house and it's so beautiful here.”

“Allura.” His voice held a warning note. He heaved a sigh. “There's no such thing as perfect. I ended up here, but I could have ended up anywhere. Anywhere on Earth, or elsewhere. I could have stayed with the Blade, I could have looked up that girl I knew once, I could have bought a ship and taken up bounty hunting, or smuggling, or piracy.”

“You would never pirate-”

“Try me.” At least that got a ghost of a smile out of him, but it quickly faded. “This felt like a mistake so many times. I was all alone here. I remember not being able to sleep and watching the clock, counting back the hours to Shiro's timezone, so I'd know when it would be appropriate to contact him. I'd think up questions to ask, just so I could talk to someone who knew me as something other than an alien curiosity.”

“Kolivan,” she said softly, her irritation melting away.

“He understood. I think sometimes he did the same thing when he felt he was relying on the other paladins too much. I hope I was able to help if that was the case. I felt like I'd made the wrong choice so many times; when I had to eat whatever horrible thing I'd cooked for myself, when I had to spend hours trying to find clothes that fit, bumping my head ten thousand times on my own front door. It seemed like madness to stay here. Like I was punishing myself, not seeking peace.

“I thought about leaving. Going back to space, back to familiar things, and it might have worked out if I'd done that, but it wouldn't have been easy either. In the end, I stayed, and I don't regret it, but it was hard work. It's not fair, Allura, the things you have gone through and the fact that life is so difficult now. But when you feel angry, or despairing, I understand, believe me.”

Allura didn't know what to say.

“Don't look so sorry for me,” Kolivan said. “Look.” He took out his phone, and Allura leaned over to look as he held it out to her. He'd taken a photo of some earth, and when she looked closely she could see some little green shoots sticking up out of it. “The seeds I planted the other day have sprouted. I was going to wait until you visited again to show you.”

“That was quick,” Allura said.

“Mm. It's frustrating sometimes; they don't always grow. Or they don't always survive. Something comes along in the night and eats them sometimes. But I will persevere. Look at them; they're so small.” He was smiling again.

“I was thoughtless,” Allura said. “Earlier. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I guess I'm just a bit jealous that you're ahead of me. And you always seem happy when we talk.”

“Of course I am.” Kolivan looked surprised she even brought it up. “I told you before, I like your company.”

“Even when I'm gloomy?”

“Even then.”

Allura flopped back down on the pier again, and Kolivan watched her, but this time she didn't feel uncomfortable at all. She was wondering if she'd been worried about the wrong thing; maybe she wasn't bothering him enough.

“Do you want to go to Tokyo with me sometime?” she asked. “We could visit Shinjuku Gyoen when the cherry blossoms are out in a few weeks.”

For the first time he hesitated to agree. “It will be crowded,” he warned her. “But you should definitely see it.”

“And you'll come with me?” She tried again.

“If you like,” he relented.

She grinned at him, and then gazed up at the sky. When he'd opened his phone she'd only caught a glimpse of the lock screen, but it had been enough for her to recognise it.

She'd taken the picture herself, after all.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Allura listened intently to the wind rustling the bamboo leaves, her ears straining for the sound of a footstep. Her bare feet gripped the length of bamboo bending under her weight as she balanced on its length, swaying against the wind.

Sweat dried on her bare arms and back, her hair knotted up out of the way in bun at the back of her head. The sunlight filtering through the leaves dappled her dark skin. She peered down at the ground, searching the shifting shadows; as camouflaged as she was by the pattern of light and shade, so was he, and she still couldn’t believe how quietly someone that size could move.

The wind died, and everything was still except for the bamboo under her feet, swaying and trembling under her weight. She could hear her own breathing, her legs starting to ache from keeping her balanced for so long.

She saw the flash of a blade too late. Kolivan drew his arm back and with one blow cut the bamboo clear through. It fell quietly, brushing past its fellows, and Allura had nothing to brace off, couldn’t leap to safety, instead making a grab for another pole and slithering down, making too much noise to hide, sharp-edged leaves snatching at her as she descended, whipping against her limbs.

Kolivan came after her, and she raised her own blade as they clashed again, ducking and weaving among the bamboo. She didn’t have her armour, just some yoga pants and a sports bra, because that's what humans wore to train in, she'd told Kolivan as he'd blinked at her. Kolivan had muttered something about feeling overdressed, in the interests of fairness eschewing his own armour for a tshirt and a pair of trackpants that kept riding up over his calves.

It didn’t occur to either of them not to use real weapons. It was neither the galra nor the altean way.

Shredded leaves whirled around them as they fought, and Allura did her best to make a small target of herself. Kolivan’s reach was immense but she was faster, and among the bamboo he couldn’t strike out as easily. Getting some distance, Allura put her blade between her teeth and hauled herself up, hand over hand, her bare feet dangling, until she was safe off the ground again, swinging among the poles.

She nearly had a heart attack when Kolivan joined her. He weighed about three times as much as she did, and the bamboo bent and trembled under his weight, creaking ominously. Allura worked her way higher, the bamboo bending further and further back as she moved towards the end.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kolivan asked, wrapping his hand around two lengths of bamboo, drawing them together so they could support him more easily.

Allura smiled, her eyes narrowed against the leaves that brushed her face. Come and find out, she thought.

They’d started out fighting hand to hand in the garden, but it hadn’t entertained them for long. Kolivan still had his blade, although she wondered if the human authorities knew he had it, and he lent her one of a similar size that was of human make. He said it had reminded him of his own, and he’d been curious about it. Folded steel was no match for luxite but it was nevertheless a fine and well-balanced weapon.

They’d moved to the forest, fighting among the trees, racing along the little pathways up and down the hills. They avoided the shrine out of respect for local customs, but otherwise the world was open to them. It felt good to run again, to flex and test her body, knowing if either of them messed up there would be no healing pod to fix them afterwards. That was enough to get her heart pumping, even though neither of them were attempting to seriously injure the other. They both fought with instinct honed by years of practice, and Allura realised she was not holding back, not really, not when she knew Kolivan could block her blade, could duck away.

He was a worthy opponent.

They passed through the forest, the trees abruptly giving way to this bamboo and it was here she found she could almost fly.

And Kolivan really shouldn’t have tried to follow her.

Allura crouched down, gripping the bamboo with her hands as well as her feet, and deliberately shifted her weight, making the plant sway. Just have to line it up right. Kolivan was coming for her, correctly perceiving that her perch was too precarious to support her for long. He didn’t try to balance like she did, using his arms to swing through the bamboo instead.

Which meant he couldn’t use them to block or deflect when Allura chose her moment and abandoned her position, letting the bamboo she’d been lining up spring back upright and smack him square in the face.

It had to hurt; she heard him grunt, and saw his grip falter, and she went after him, pushing her advantage. He had to let go with one hand to defend himself and she let him deflect her blade, kicking him in the stomach.

He refused to drop, fighting defensively, one-handed, the bamboo creaking and swaying around them as they fought for grip, for footholds, each trying to dislodge the other, striking at arms and legs, trying to keep bamboo between them and their opponent.

Allura swung around the bamboo, working up momentum, and slashing at the plants supporting Kolivan as fast as she could.

As she hacked into the bamboo it bent alarmingly, and finally the poles started to snap under his weight, splintering and popping. Kolivan saw it was hopeless and dropped down, landing in a crouch to absorb the impact of the fall.

He snarled and his arms nearly buckled as Allura landed heavily on his back and put her blade against the nape of his neck.

She would have let him throw her off, continued the game for longer, but he held out his blade and let it fall to the forest floor, conceding the fight, and she jumped off and let him stand up, noting as she did so that she’d left muddy footprints on the back of his tshirt. Her feet were filthy.

He stood up and they faced each other, sweaty and grimy and still breathing hard. Allura had no real idea where they were and she didn’t really care. It would work itself out. Right now she alive again. Happy. He looked happy too; grinning wide enough to show his fangs. It was just like old times, she thought, except that back then she'd never seen him smile.

And just like that her mood abruptly soured. Happy again. But these weren’t old times, and they were never coming back, and they _should_ never come back. Who wished for a return to war?

“Allura?” Kolivan had noticed her sudden change in demeanour.

“I’m.” She was going to say ‘fine’ and realised the choke in her voice would give the lie to it. “I was so happy,” she said. “To fight again.” She let the blade fall from her fingers and covered her face. “I miss the war. I’m _horrible_.” She was trying and failing not to cry, part of her standing back and telling herself that she was being ridiculous. What would Kolivan think of her now?

She jumped slightly as he put a hand on her shoulder. He didn’t seem to know what to do after that, standing there awkwardly and staring at her, but it was enough to know he was offering comfort and without even thinking about it she stepped forward and pressed herself against his chest.

She remembered doing the same thing to Keith once. She’d treated him badly, hadn’t wanted to trust a half-galra, but they’d made up in the end and the memory had a sharp edge that hurt, deep in her chest. She hadn't been perfect, had she?

“I miss them so much,” she said, still muffling her face in her hands. “They were like family. They _were_ family.”

Kolivan sighed, but it was a sad sigh not an exasperated one, and he wrapped his long arms around her.

“They still are,” he said, his voice reverberating through his chest. “They’ll always love you, Allura, and I’m sure they miss you too.”

She dropped her hands so she could hug him back, still keeping her face pressed against his shirt. She didn’t want him to look at her.

“I miss it too,” he continued. “How could we not miss it sometimes? It was what we were for so long. The danger, the excitement, knowing we were doing something worth dying for with people who were prepared to die with us. How could we not live well, knowing each day could be our last?”

It made sense when he said it like that, but she still felt deeply guilty, especially since so many of his friends had died in the war she now felt nostalgic for.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just felt so happy again, remembering what it was like to fight. It’s been so long since I was doing something, something real, I'd forgotten what it was like.”

“Mm.”

“Am I really going to be miserable forever?”

“No.” At least he sounded quite confident.

“This is so embarrassing,” she mumbled.

“Cry if you like, it’s alright.”

In fact, her tears were starting to dry up; it wasn’t in her nature to sulk or feel sorry for herself for long. Chin up, get over it, carry on and smile was the way she’d always approached it. There were always other things that needed doing.

There was nothing she needed to do right now, but she started calming down anyway. Kolvian was warm and solid, and she could hear his heartbeat when she pressed her ear to his chest. He smelled a bit rank, but she was sure she did as well, and he didn’t seem to mind holding her like this. It was nice.

Worryingly nice.

Maybe he liked it too. She hadn’t forgotten what he’d said by the river. It sounded very lonely. She squeezed him a bit harder, and he returned the gesture. She wondered how long he’d be willing to stand here like this. He gave no sign of wanting to move, and she listened to the bamboo rustling around them. Was it weird to stand here like this? They were both weird; two aliens alone on this planet, or so it felt, so who cared. Eventually she realised the ground was so cold her toes were going numb and with a reluctant sigh she lifted her head and he let her go as she stepped back.

She rubbed her face, feeling slightly headachy and dehydrated.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I uh, didn’t mean to get that all over you.”

“Of course you didn’t. You always try and keep your burdens to yourself. I noticed that a long time ago, but I’m glad if I can help. You’re not.” He hesitated, as if he was wondering if he was saying too much, but she was staring at him, waiting for him to finish. “Alone.”

She smiled. That was true at least. She’d never imagined he’d be such a good friend.

She shivered, suddenly realising how she’d cooled down after the fight.

“We should head back, whichever direction back is,” she said.

They picked up their blades and started walking, Allura following Kolivan’s lead as he knew the area better.

“I’ve thought about adding bamboo to my garden eventually,” he said. “But there are so many kinds, and some are hard to keep under control.”

“Kolivan, leader of the Blade of Mamora, worried about keeping some overgrown grass down?”

“I’ll put you on weeding duty next time you visit.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Yes.”

She laughed quietly. It was rather endearing how many things led back to his garden.

“We will do this again, won’t we?”

“I hope so.” He glanced at her. “It’s always been an honour to fight with you.”

“Likewise.”

It was a long walk back to town, and when she finally stumbled back to the hotel Allura was wrecked. She’d put on her shoes and coat at Kolivan’s place, but the damage had already been done and her feet were still aching.

When she had a bath that night, she noticed all the cuts and bruises that at the time she’d barely felt, and her legs twinged whenever she moved them. Her feet were pretty beaten up, and she sat cross-legged on her bed, wrapped in a bathrobe, administering first aid. She wasn’t convinced the salves and bandages would help much; a healing pod would be better.

_Are you aching all over too?_ She messaged Kolivan.

_My knees are not thanking me. I’m out of practice._

She smiled. _We’ll just have to get in practice then._

She examined her friends list. Only Keith’s icon was lit up, the others offline or away, but that was hardly unusual. The paladins did a lot of travel, and kept odd hours.

She called him.

Keith was sunlit when he answered, a beach in the background behind him. His picture jiggled as he moved his phone around.

“Hey Allura,” he smiled. “What’s up?”

She smiled back, glad to see him. “Not a lot. Am I disturbing you?”

“Nah, I was just going for a run. You look like you’re ready for bed.”

“I’m exhausted,” she said.

He chuckled, regarding her fondly. “I thought you were meant to be on holidays.”

She had to get to the point quickly, or she knew she’d never get to it. “Keith, I miss you. I miss all of you.”

His expression softened. “I miss you too, Allura.”

“Do you miss the old days?”

“What, when we all hung out in the Castle, saving the universe? Yeah, of course I do. Hang on, let me get Pidge on call.”

“She’s not online.”

“She’s faking.”

Allura plugged her phone into the TV and settled down on the bed again, the mice clustering around her, as the screen split and Pidge’s face appeared in slightly blurry close-up.

“Is this an emergency?” she asked. “I’m supposed to be in a meeting.”

“Allura’s feeling lonely,” Keith said.

“I’ll let them know I have to go.”

“Pidge-” Allura began, but she was already turning and explaining she had to be elsewhere, and Allura laughed.

The paladins came online one by one, and left again as the hours passed and their schedules intruded. They told her to go to sleep but she refused, curled up around her pillow, reminiscing with them.

Eventually she could fight it no longer and nodded off, still wrapped in her bathrobe, half-made plans for them to visit her in Japan swirling around her head.

When she woke up the screen was flooded with emojis and the calls had all ended. It was still night time, and she shed her bathrobe and crawled into bed properly, careful not to disturb the sleeping mice.

Her last thought as she tumbled back down into sleep was of Kolivan’s arms around her. It had been less than a day, but she missed that too.

~~

Allura and Kolivan didn’t meet at the cafe as often as they used to. Only when Kolivan would have been in town anyway to go shopping did they go and drink tea from cups too small for galra hands. Mostly Allura walked out of town to visit him.

True to his word he put her to work, and they dug gardens and watered plants and cut the grass, and Kolivan often sent her home carrying a bunch of flowers now his garden was starting to bloom properly. She’d kept the rose he’d first given her in a dish of water for over a week until it finally withered, and now she had vases on her window sill and her room was redolent with the sweet scent of flowers.

With someone to help him Kolivan moved his plans up, breaking new ground. Sometimes he enquired if he was asking too much of her, but Allura rather liked the work; it was simple enough to follow directions, and it was satisfying to see the results. The first time a plant sprouted from seed she’d buried she was delighted, and she checked on it regularly while Kolivan smiled indulgently and knowingly at her.

She told him she wasn’t about to become a garden obsessive like him, but she could understand the appeal. When she didn’t feel like gardening, they’d spar. When it rained, they’d stay indoors and talk, or Kolivan would do his work and Allura would read. They saw each other several times a week, and still sometimes Allura found herself leaving the hotel to catch the train and she’d gaze up the road leading out of town and wonder what he was up to.

I’m getting caught up in this, she thought, whatever this was. She didn’t know if it was a good idea or not, but she knew she wasn’t going to stop.

“I was supposed to come here and think about things, decide what to do with my life,” she told Lance one evening. “I don't think I've been making much progress on that.”

“I dunno.” He propped his chin on his hand and smirked at her. “You're smiling a lot more nowadays. Seems like something's working to me. Someone maybe?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

She sighed, “Oh Lance. You never change, do you?”

Each time Allura caught the train she’d look at the cherry tree growing near the front of the station, and watch the buds starting to open. If they were going to go and view the flowers properly, they’d have to do it soon.

When she broached the subject with Kolivan he simply told her to name a date, and that was that.

Having given it some thought beforehand she didn’t spend hours deciding what to wear, and instead found herself waiting outside her hotel at least half an hour earlier than was necessary because she couldn’t sit still in her room any longer.

Their plan was to go to Tokyo and buy boxed lunches and picnic under the trees, as was apparently traditional, and although they had no plans beyond that, Allura didn’t intend to come home until it was very late.

The only reason she wasn’t bouncing on the balls of her feet were the strappy sandals she was wearing. The day was clear and warm, stretching out enticingly ahead of her and her insides were fizzing with excitement. She’d been looking forward to this; not just the flowers, but to travel with Kolivan, to be somewhere in the world that wasn’t the little town or his garden, was strangely exciting.

Which was ridiculous given they’d travelled the universe together at various times, but there it was. She felt like Tokyo was hers in some way, and she wanted to invite him into it, share some of the experiences she’d been having on her own.

She peered down the road for the thousandth time, and admonished her heart for leaping a little when she saw his tall shape following his shadow towards her. To her surprise, he was wearing galra clothing; the old tunic she remembered from his uniform, and trousers that actually fit his legs properly.

It was a much more formal look, like he was the old self she remembered from the war, except that he smiled when he was close enough to greet her, and carried no weapons.

“Were you waiting long?” he asked.

She shrugged, not really wanting to admit it. “You look nice,” she said. “It's been a while since I saw you in that.”

“Mm. It seems appropriate when I travel.”

“Right.” He was always mindful he was representing not just galra, but all aliens to humans.

“You also,” he ground to a halt. “Look nice,” he added. “But you always do.”

She fought the smile on her face and lost.

The station master was delighted to see Kolivan, and was by now fairly familiar with Allura herself, and he chatted amiably to them both as they waited for the train. He practically waved them off when the train arrived, bound and determined to represent the Japanese rail services with pride to extraterrestrial visitors and their friends.

It was only a foretaste of what was to come.

It started on the train. People stared, and Allura was used to that when she was by herself, but now they also wanted to interact. All it took was one particularly plucky young woman in a suit to bow politely in her seat and request a picture, although Allura was pretty sure they'd been covertly photographed by every mobile phone in the carriage at this point.

Kolivan agreed. The woman's face lit up. And then a queue formed. A polite queue, people swapping seats to get closer, pointing out that their stop was soon and perhaps they could get ahead, and Allura saw more and more of the old Kolivan she remembered; stoic and inscrutable, an authoritative presence that ensured nothing got out of hand. Nevertheless, Allura didn't get a chance to say a word to him on the entire trip, as new people got on at every stop.

How bad was Tokyo itself going to be, she wondered as she watched the gleaming spires of that familiar city growing larger as they approached.

Not as bad, as it turned out. Kolivan was no longer a captive audience the way he was on the train, and although people still stared, they also got out of his way. Nevertheless, he was stopped quite often the moment he was obliged to stand still for any reason.

And he never said no. He didn't smile for photographs, but he would obligingly bend down so he’d be in shot, and was generally gracious.

“Where did you get royal training?” Allura asked.

“I observed the best,” he responded.

“Flatterer,” she muttered. She hadn't been that good.

He scared children. He fascinated them too and he'd acknowledge them with a faint smile when they stared at him, hiding his fangs behind closed lips. If they wanted a picture he'd crouch right down, and he let them touch his bare arm and hand if they were game enough to want to. He looked at them, Allura thought, the way he looked at his plants.

“I've talked at schools before, although I find it exhausting,” he volunteered, as they extracted themselves from the latest batch of fans by crossing with the lights. “This generation of humans are going to determine what their species is going to be to the rest of the galaxy. I feel I should do my bit to help them.”

“I think I see why you don't go to Tokyo much though,” Allura said apologetically.

“No. I should go more often. It's not as bad as I think it will be. Although it might not be what you'd expected.”

“It's fine,” Allura said. “Although now I want a picture now too.” She said it lightly, joking.

“Go ahead.”

They stopped in the street and Allura lifted up her phone as he bent down to get himself in shot, putting his head next to hers. Her own face in the image looked startled but pleased as his ear brushed her cheek.

“I'll send it to you,” she said.

“Thank you.”

And I shouldn't have done that, she thought, as another wave of admirers clustered around them.

“We're going to be on the news at this rate,” Allura said.

“Local news certainly,” Kolivan said, clearly used to the concept. “I have to be on my best behaviour.”

“Are you ever not?”

“Hm.”

They chose somewhere to buy lunches after consulting various reviews on Allura's phone. The place they'd picked was quite popular, and on such a nice spring day they were doing good business.

The lunches were beautifully presented and Allura wanted to start eating one as soon as she saw them. They were also rather small, at least by galra standards.

“Do you want to get two?” she asked.

Kolivan shook his head. “One will suffice. Should we get some sake?”

“It's traditional. Why not? I tried some in a bar once; it was nice.” By now she was pretty familiar with human food and drink; she made a point of trying new things whenever she could.

The park was very crowded, and they spent quite a while wandering around, carrying their lunches and admiring the landscape. Kolivan was full of enthusiasm for the plants; he'd visited many times before, and could identify almost everything. There were lots of tourists as well as locals, and whenever she heard an American accent Allura half-expected to see the paladins.

Allura looked at the cherry blossoms, and thought of remembrance. Pink didn't mean the same thing to humans as to alteans, and maybe it was for the best. On altea these plants would be grown in graveyards and memorials, and wouldn't be celebrated in such a lively and happy fashion by so many people like this, eating and drinking and taking photographs.

After exploring the garden they found somewhere to sit and start on their lunch.

The first time they were approached, Allura’s heart sank. She didn’t want to spend the whole day watching people take photographs of Kolivan, but the middle-aged man had something else in mind. He bowed to them, both and said he would be honoured if they shared some of their lunch.

“My wife makes too much,” he said.

Kolivan smiled. “It’s very generous of you.”

Thus they found themselves suddenly a party of four, and Kolivan seemed entirely at ease, offering the couple some of the sake, and accepting rice balls and fish in return. They wanted to know about space, and Kolivan enquired after their children like they were old friends.

Then a group of young women approached with beer and snacks, and as room was made for them and names were exchanged Allura narrowed her eyes and leaned over to Kolivan.

“This is why you didn’t want a second lunchbox,” she said. “You’ve done this before.”

“Of course I have. It would be awfully remiss of me if I hadn’t viewed the cherry blossoms at least once in two years.”

“I suppose.”

“Let yourself enjoy it,” he advised. “It will be fun.”

To her surprise, she started to and after an hour or so she grew tired of pretending to be Australian.

“I’m an alien too,” she said, shaking her hair away from her ears for a moment. “I’m from Altea.”

To her surprise, none of the people there connected her with the armoured and battle-weary princess who’d accompanied the paladins back to Earth two years ago. They wanted to know what her planet was like; and Allura spoke in present tense, bringing it back to life in the imagination of these humans at least. And it was fine.

There was a sense that they day was special; that every stranger was a new friend, and she started to relax. The food and drink didn’t hurt either. It was endless; everyone seemed to make too much or bring too much. Even when she couldn’t face any more food there was sake and beer, and Allura grew warm and light headed in the sun.

Allura wanted to know what it was like to live as a human, and everyone was delighted that she took an interest, and the conversation ebbed and flowed around the group. I am making so many friends, she thought.

They spent the day there, the shadows gradually moving around them, petals collecting in Allura’s hair, and landing on Kolivan’s shoulders. She reached over to brush them off him, and tried not to let her hand linger. She would never have done this without him, she thought, never let herself trust these strangers without knowing she had someone beside her she could rely on.

They couldn’t stay. The garden closed in the afternoon and everyone packed up, collecting their rubbish and removing flower petals from their clothing. Allura felt a bit dizzy when she stood up, and Kolivan offered his arm. She shook the dizziness off, but took it anyway.

Their current friends, the older couple and the young women having left hours ago, urged them to come out with them and celebrate. What they were celebrating wasn’t clear, but Allura thought it was a lovely idea, and they walked off in search of a bar, as the day gave way to evening.

Allura got approached often in bars, and thus always felt on guard, but tonight she had friends with her, and Kolivan, and she let herself have a bit more fun. The humans told jokes and stories, and laughed good naturedly at the holes in the aliens’ knowledge. When people wanted Kolivan’s picture Allura leaned in too, beaming.

They wandered from one place to the next, losing people and gaining new ones, and being bought endless drinks. Altean metabolisms were pretty tough, but Allura felt it getting to her anyway, making her laugh louder, and run her fingers up and down the fuzz on Kolivan’s arm without really worrying about it.

It was nice not to worry.

Dinner never happened, just an endless succession of little dishes at various bars and street stalls, and eventually they found themselves in a dark little whisky bar listening to jazz, the conversation unspooling slowly around them. Allura wondered what time it was; it seemed like they’d managed to somehow defy time entirely, move beyond it.

She rested her head on Kolivan’s shoulder, watching the ice shining in her glass under the dim overhead lights. She felt tired, slightly detached from the world, her gaze drifting up to watch Kolivan’s profile as he talked. Eventually he turned his head and looked at her.

“Maybe it’s time to go,” he said quietly, his eyes glowing brightly in the shadows. She nodded; it wasn’t the bar that was holding her interest any more. “We have to catch a train,” he said to their friends, as they politely tried to prevent them from paying any part of the tab.

Kolivan insisted.

Allura was feeling fine, just tired, until she stood up and the room reeled around her. Kolivan must have been expecting it, because he caught her under the elbows and steered her out, warning her not to trip on the step at the door. Her feet didn’t seem quite where they should be, but she managed to make it out into the cool evening air and she shivered, leaning against him. The cold air was pleasant on her face, and the warmth of his body was pleasant everywhere else.

She didn’t feel like catching a train. Her hotel room seemed a long way away, and not that inviting. She didn’t want this to end.

“Let’s just stay here,” she said, gazing up at him. “Find a room. We can go back tomorrow.” She willed him to understand what she wanted, because she wasn’t sure herself.

Kolivan heaved a sigh, and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “No,” he said finally. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” At his refusal she pouted and tried to walk away, but her feet were still misbehaving, and he caught her again as she staggered off course. “Hang on to me, alright?”

There was nothing she wanted to do more, really, and they made their way back to the nearest train station.

“Why aren’t you wobbling around?” Allura asked, feeling a little put out.

“I learned my lesson last time I did this not to drink consistently for the best part of a day.”

“Tell me what happened,” she prodded him, but he clammed up and eventually she gave up, too tired and fuzzy-headed to care that much.

When they finally got onto the train Allura was still gripping Kolivan’s arm. She draped it over her shoulders, and he didn’t object. Allura got herself settled against him as the train started to accelerate, and then what seemed like five minutes later Kolivan was gently shaking her awake and telling her they were at their stop.

She felt better for her nap, and walked unassisted through the sleeping town, her arms wrapped around herself to ward off the chill. The moon was up; she hadn’t noticed it in Tokyo. She gazed up at its ancient face and was amused anew by the way the humans had called it The Moon, as if there was only one in the universe.

“I like humans,” she said, as they approached her hotel. She stopped and faced him, loath to leave his presence. “I like you too, Kolivan.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

She didn’t know what he was thinking, couldn’t read his face in the low light, and frustration bubbled up within her. It was up to her; it was always up to her.

If the was one thing she was good at, it was doing what needed to be done. She had never lacked for courage.

She had to jump up to kiss him, grabbing his shoulders to hold herself at his level for a few moments as she pressed her lips to his, warm and whisky-flavoured, the fuzz on his face soft against her skin. She dropped down again, and she didn’t need him to catch her as she landed, her heart pounding.

He looked startled, his glowing eyes wide, and her courage finally deserted her.

“Goodnight!” she said and whirled around, leaving him standing there as she strode into the hotel, fumbling for the key. He didn’t call her back, his hand didn’t land on her shoulder or catch her wrist, and as soon as she was safely inside she slumped against the door, breathless and shaky.

“Fix it tomorrow,” she muttered, forcing herself to take a deep breath. “Fix it tomorrow.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Allura woke up the next morning with a headache and a vague feeling of dread, and it took her a few minutes of staring at the ceiling before she remembered why.

“What was I _thinking_?” she asked. The mice squeaked back at her and she reflected that being telepathically connected to a bunch of opinionated rodents had its drawbacks. “All right, I know, _I know_.” She sat up. “I wanted to kiss him,” she admitted.

She still wanted to kiss him, but it was inexcusably rude to just jump on someone and demand it, and that meant she’d have to apologise at the very least. She groaned, but knew it would be more difficult the longer she left it, and she reluctantly peeled off the blankets and got started with her day.

Allura forced herself to have some breakfast; just toast and tea, although it was more nerves than yesterday’s overindulgence that killed her appetite.

The walk to Kolivan’s house seemed very long, and although she tried to enjoy the bright morning she failed miserably to do so, her mind insisting on going over what she was going to say when she finally saw him.

She hadn’t come up with a satisfactory speech by the time she arrived at his house, so she’d just have to wing it. She took a deep breath and knocked on his door. And waited.

In vain, as it turned out.

He couldn’t have gone into town; she would have seen him on the road. It wasn’t like him to sleep in, either. Eventually she walked around the side of the house and found the galra standing in his garden, regarding the roses thoughtfully. He didn’t seem to be doing any work, just examining the flowers, his back to her. He wasn’t normally so easy to sneak up on.

Allura cleared her throat and he raised his head. “Good morning,” she called.

“Allura.” He started closing the gap between them with swift strides but then he faltered and eventually came to a halt in front of her.

Allura decided to get it over with. “I want to apologise- I mean, I _do_ apologise. I shouldn’t have, um, mauled you like that.” She ducked her head, her cheeks feeling hot as she hid behind her hair.

“It’s all right. Consider it forgotten,” he said gently.

It would be easy to let it go, she knew, easy and wrong. She lifted her eyes to his again. “No, that’s not really what I want. I mean yes, that was a horrible mistake, but only because I didn’t ask first.”

He was looking at her warily, like he didn’t quite believe her. Allura felt quite nervous by this point, cold and clammy without whisky to warm her, but she trusted that, whatever happened, their friendship would survive. It had to.

She stepped closer to him. Chin up. Just do it. “So, it’s fine if you don’t want to, we can just forget it ever happened, but I meant what I said. I like you. A lot. So, can I kiss you?”

She held her breath. She'd done it. She’d clenched her fists so hard the nails bit into her palms.

He stepped up to her and lowered his head, like he had so many times when he bowed to her. He’d bent his knee once, when he’d first pledged to help her cause, and it was the same sort of solemnity that clung to him now. But it meant something very different this time, and she felt a rush of warmth and relief and dizzying excitement as she realised what it was.

There was more than a foot of height difference between them, and Allura found herself going up on her toes as he bent to her, her hand reaching up to cup his jaw, her fingers brushing the silky silver fur over his ears.

He didn't kiss her, but somehow she'd expected that; of course he'd wait for her to make the decision. It was what she'd asked for.

So she kissed him, for the second time. She was gentle, fitting her lips against his, angling her head a little, his flat nose nuzzling against her cheek. She wasn't in a hurry, and the effervescence of the day before was nothing compared to the way her heart was singing now. She draped her other arm up around his neck, and he rested a hand on the small of her back, just lightly. He was being so careful not to cage her in.

She moved her lips a little and he responded, and she heard his breath hitch, and a soft, deep sound from somewhere in the back of his throat, something needy. It was enough, more than enough to reassure her, and she pushed herself up higher on her toes, steadying herself on him, and kissed him harder, squeezing her eyes shut, flicking her tongue across his bottom lip, barely polite. She _wanted._

He yielded, granted her access, and she was careful of his fangs but not put off, even when one one caught her lip slightly. They weren’t hesitant any longer, but they were slow, careful. She explored his face with her hands and his mouth with her own, snatching breath when she thought of it. She smoothed the velveteen fur on his cheeks down with her thumbs; she could feel the age of him, the slack in the lines at the corners of his mouth, the ridge of scar tissue below his right eye. She loved that he had lived so long, survived so much, his strength evident in every line of his body.

Her calves were burning and she pulled back reluctantly, dropping down, letting her eyes drift open with a sigh.

“ _Princess_ ,” he said, his voice low and rough, but there was awe in his tone too, and the way he spoke made her stomach quiver pleasantly. He blinked, and she felt him pull away slightly. “I’m mean Allura, I’m sorry. I know you don’t like that title.”

She shook her head to forestall further apologies. “No, it’s fine. When you say it like that.” She wasn’t sure how to put it. “I don’t mind it,” she said. “I’ll be your princess.” She’d meant it lightly, speaking with a smile, but the instant the words left her mouth his eyes widened and he wrapped his other arm around her waist and lifted her off her feet with a sound that sounded suspiciously like a groan.

She didn’t have time to do more than yelp before she was foot and a half in the air and he was kissing her again, careful, but urgent too as he caught her lower lip, sought her tongue with his own; he was too big, couldn’t fit it in her mouth easily but oh fuck she was going to try, sucking and nibbling at him.

Allura wiggled in his grasp, kicking off her shoes before wrapping her legs around him, clinging onto his neck as he held her against him. He’d lifted her right up over him, had to crane his neck to kiss her, and she delighted in it, her hair curtaining them as it fell forward around her shoulders.

They could stay like this for ages probably; he held her like she weighed almost nothing, but he pulled back, pressing a final kiss to her lips before letting her down again.

“Allura.”

“Kolivan.” Her voice sounded breathy and strange to her own ears. She thought she might never stop smiling again.

He tidied her hair a little, his claws tugging gently at the strands as he wove his fingers through it.

“This is.” He shook his head and tried again. “You should know, when we first fought together, when you said we were to fight Haggar I knew then you would lead us to victory or certain death, and I decided I would follow you to either fate. But more than that, as the war progressed we didn’t see each other all that often, and I treasured the memory of that battle, even as I grieved for the one who died in it.

“You became, I suppose, the woman in my life. How could you not? You piloted a Lion, you raised an army. I admired you, I never stopped admiring you. The universe was better for having you in it. The universe at large, and my universe as well.”

Allura was sure her eyes were as big as saucers as Kolivan made his confession, looking at the way his fingers ran through her hair rather than meeting her gaze.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What could I have possibly said that you’d have wanted to hear?” he asked. “It would have been very inappropriate, and nothing but another burden you’d be obliged to answer. Was I wrong?”

“No,” she admitted. It would have baffled and worried her; romance was the last thing on her mind at the time.

“I was perfectly content,” he said. “You had your life, and I had mine.” He turned away from her and looked at his garden. “I came here. Those roses—it sounds foolish in my own ears but they reminded me of you. Tough. Beautiful.” He looked at her again. “I couldn’t have expected anything more, but then you were _here_. In my garden, in my house.”

“In your sweater,” she added slyly, and he exhaled sharply and rubbed his forehead.

“That too. Do you have any idea-” He shook his head. “I prized our friendship above all else. And, and I just thought you should know.”

“That you’re a hopeless romantic?” She nudged him with her arm and he responded by wrapping his own around her shoulders. I could get used to this, she thought as she leaned into him, inhaling his scent.

“Not so hopeless any more.” He sighed. “But it’s a galra trait, I think.”

“One they don’t talk about much.”

“It’s a security risk,” he retorted, and she laughed.

She gazed up at him, still somewhat amazed by what he’d just admitted. She’d have to go over her memories later, wonder if she’d missed any signs, but she didn’t think so; even now, there was only a faint, pleased smile on his face, and when he looked at her a gentling of his forbidding countenance.

He cupped her cheek with the hand not draped around her shoulders, and his thumb brushed one of the markings on her face and she shivered.

“Hm.” He bent down to kiss it lightly, just an experimental brush of lips and she giggled at the sensation and turned her head to kiss him back. They kissed each other’s faces, the fuzz on his pleasantly soft against her lips. Her heart was still beating fast; she felt like she did the first time she dived solo from near orbit into Altea's atmosphere, alive and full of anticipation and nerves.

Kolivan nuzzled her cheek, her jaw, brushed his lips along the edge of her pointed ear and she bit her lip, her hands on his shoulders. There was no reason to stop now, was there? He'd waited far longer than she'd realised, but she'd been holding back too.

“Do you want to go inside?” she asked him, and he drew back slightly to look at her.

“Do you?” She didn’t have to explain it to him; his tone of voice was enough to let her know he understood, something molten in his glowing eyes.

She looked him over, tall and stern and sweet and so close to being hers she could taste it. Intimidating too, a little, but she liked that.

“Very much,” she said warmly.

He smiled and engulfed one of her hands in his, and they walked inside, leaving her shoes forgotten on the lawn.

His bedroom was rather similar to the living room; reading material around the edges, and a futon in the middle that he’d enlarged to fit his frame by adding another mat crosswise on the end.

“I thought soldiers were supposed to be neat,” Allura said, picking her way around a pile of books.

“And I thought royalty was supposed to be tactful,” Kolivan replied.

Allura was thinking up a retort when Kolivan pulled his shirt off over his head and flopped down on the futon, gazing up at her expectantly, and she completely forgot what she was going to say as she took him in.

The fuzz on his skin thickened to fur on his chest and in a line down his stomach. She could see streaks of red and grey in it, the former a pattern, the latter randomized by the vagaries of aging. It looked soft and inviting and Allura fumbled with buttons on her blouse while he watched her, welcoming her with open arms when she finally discarded the garment and knelt down to join him on the futon.

They ran their hands over each other, exploring. Hands weren't enough for Allura, and soon she was pressed up against his chest, rubbing her cheek against his fur.

Kolivan ran a claw under the edge of her bra for some time and eventually huffed in exasperation.

“How does this work?” he grumbled. “Should I just pull?”

“Don’t you dare! They cost a fortune on this planet.” Allura sat up, straddling one of his thighs as she reached back to unclasp it. “You break it you’re buying me a new one.”

“Fair.” Clearly not interested in arguing, he rested his hands above her hips as she shrugged her bra off, his thumbs tracing circles on her skin. If he was impatient he was hiding it well, but Allura didn't want to extend the awkwardness of disrobing and before he could react she slid off him and lay down to unbutton her jeans. The futon smelled like he did and felt firm under her back; if she slept here the latter would take some getting used to.

She wasn’t quite game to look at him when she lifted her hips to slide her jeans off, kicking them towards the end of the futon. Kolivan crawled over her, and her eyes widened and her body stiffened. Before she’d even registered her own response to the galra’s body caging her in he’d retreated like he’d been stung, kneeling next to her, holding his hands out palms first, unthreatening.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She sat up and hugged him, and after a moment he gently hugged her back. “I’ll get used to it,” she declared.

“It’s fine if you don’t,” he said. “I don’t blame you.”

“I know.”  She kissed him, because she was determined not to let the mood get spoiled, pressing her lips against his firmly. It didn’t work at first; he was still frowning at her, but she smiled at his concern and kissed him again, more slowly, teasing him until he relented and tangled one of his hands in her hair and kissed her back.

They were getting better at it, learning to work around the differences in their physiology, as he slid his hands down her back, cupped her arse through her panties.

“Kolivan.” She broke away and looked at him. He was still wearing pants, and the way he was kneeling gave her no clue what was inside them. “I don’t want to shapeshift for you,” she said. “I just don’t.” She tightened her grip on his torso slightly. Transforming into a galra to infiltrate a ship was one thing, this was entirely another.

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” he said, and she relaxed a bit, as he stroked her back. “Please don't do anything just for my sake.”

“Mm.” She hadn't expected any other answer from him, but it was nice to be reassured.

“However.” She drew back to look at him. “Well, Alteans are a bit of a mystery.” He was looking at her breasts, which Allura didn’t think were terribly mysterious, but she was glad he seemed to like them. “Any spines, teeth, or toxic secretions I should know about in advance?”

Whatever face she pulled at this was totally lost on him because he hadn’t managed to drag his gaze up, so she cupped her hand under his jaw and tilted his head up until he met her eyes. “Never use that word again,” she said.

“Yes. That's reasonable.”

They looked at each other for a few moments, and he caught her hand and kissed it, and she giggled.

“I’m a bit nervous,” she admitted.

“And I'm out of practice.” He smiled, a bit ruefully. “Come here.” He wrapped an arm around her, hoisting her up so he could unfold his legs underneath her. She braced herself on his shoulders, and shivered as he nuzzled her breasts. She gasped as he tasted them too, her nipples hardening.

“Good?” he asked, looking up at her.

“Yes,” she breathed, as he continued to lavish attention on them. Arousal flooded her from her chest down, pooling below her stomach, making her squirm in his grasp. He sucked gently, his fangs pressing lightly against her breast, and a strange, strangled sound made its way out of her throat.

Kolivan raised his head, looking quite pleased with himself, as he abruptly released her and lay down, leaving her straddling his stomach. He ran his hands up her thighs and tugged her gently.

“Come up,” he urged, and she crawled over him. He hooked his claws over the edge of her panties and she slipped out of them, up over his chest until her knees were either side of his ears.

She flushed as he fingered aside the white curls at her crotch, torn between the desire to be touched and the nagging worry that he wouldn’t like what he found.

“Stop overthinking,” he rumbled, and she could feel his voice vibrating in his chest underneath her. Then he lifted his head and licked her, a firm flick of his tongue that electrified ten thousand nerve endings as she clamped her jaw around a surprised squeak. He didn’t have to lift his head twice as she angled her hips forward to give him access.

He wasn’t much good at first, holding her hips steady as he gently explored her with his tongue and lips, experimenting, and she was patient while he learned to play her, squirming sometimes, his hair brushing the inside of her thighs every time she moved.

It was tortuous although he wasn’t meaning to tease, and she had to resist grinding herself into his face; he wouldn’t thank her if she cut off his air supply after all. He shifted his grip. Moving his arms under her legs so he could pull her up a bit higher, and slid his hands up her stomach to cup her breasts.

He slid his tongue into her folds, teased her clit out from between them, and sucked.

Allura yelled, her thighs clamping down on his head, and she slapped her hands over her own mouth. He did it again, more gently, and she whimpered through her fingers, gazing blankly at the wall in front of her, registering nothing but pleasure.

He reached up and tugged her wrist, pulling her hand away from her mouth, and she let him, even as her own harsh breathing filled the room. Her hips stuttered against him, and as he found a rhythm she matched it, fucking herself on his tongue as he lapped at her.

She didn’t know what to do with her hands, and eventually placed them over his, squeezing them as he thumbed her nipples. She was going to go mad like this, she thought. She let him wring mewls and gasps from her throat; no one could hear them out here, she didn’t need to be quiet.

She twisted around slightly to look at him, and the sight of his erection straining against the fabric of his pants would have filled her with apprehension five minutes ago but now she only groaned and twitched around Kolivan’s tongue, her mouth flooding with spit.

She wanted it, wanted him. Would do anything, she vowed as she bit her own lips and gasped, her toes curling.

“Oh, quiznak!” She arched her back, feeling her orgasm start to break over her. Too soon, nowhere near soon enough, she shuddered and squeezed his hands as hard as she could, her thighs trembling. She rode it out, rocking her hips, letting herself fall apart a little.

She was still buzzing with it, still shaky and short of breath when she twisted out of his grasp, practically flung herself across his body, her sex dripping with spit and her own arousal, still sensitive. She stretched out across him, fumbling to get his pants open, and he palmed her arse and pressed somewhat sloppy kisses to her calf, as it was the closest part of her to his head.

His cock was huge. Well, no more than she’d expected given the size of the rest of him, but that was more than enough. It was a deep purple, slick gathering in the ridges down the sides, the end twitching slightly as it jutted from his pants. She didn’t give herself time for second thoughts, surging forward and wrapping both hands around it, gratified by the way he grunted and his stomach flexed underneath her as she did so.

She opened her mouth and kissed the tip, unable to decide if she liked the taste or not, but definitely liking the way he groaned, and his claws dug into her buttock slightly. She slid his cock further into her mouth, but knew better than to try and take the whole thing, instead concentrating on swirling her tongue around the tip, which responded by wiggling back; she’d have to ask him if it was under his control later.

She sucked down spit and started moving her hands in tandem with her mouth. It was awkward at this angle, and she might have been tempted to move save for the fact that his fingers were wandering, sliding between her legs again. He was careful even though he was breathing harshly, his free hand clawing at the blankets in the corner of her vision.

His claws were blunt, and she trusted him not to hurt her as she spread her legs a bit wider, the cool air biting slightly into the slickness on the inside of her thighs.

“Princess,” he murmured as he slid his finger into her folds. She stilled for a moment, just holding his cock in her mouth as he worked his finger in more deeply, closing her eyes at the sensation. He stopped before the second knuckle and she hummed encouragingly, but he didn't move, even after she rocked her hips a little.

The end of his cock twitched against her tongue. Oh right. She got back to work, sucking on the head and stroking it, and Kolivan sighed and shuddered beneath her, and finally started moving his finger. His thumb slid forward across her clit as he fucked her slowly with his fingers, and she rocked her hips, sliding her mouth back and forth on his cock.

He felt so good, the fuzz of his stomach under her chest, the warmth and size of him like an indulgence. She started moving faster, bobbing her head, her hair spilling around her shoulders and over his hips. He took the hint and fingered her faster, pushing deeper inside her, and she could feel his muscles tensing and relaxing, and his sharp, heavy breathing was punctuated by the odd groan as more slick washed across her tongue.

“Princess.” She could hear the strain in his voice, and she guessed he was close. She wanted to join him, dug her toes into the floor somewhere beyond his head for leverage, rutted herself faster on his fingers, whimpered teary-eyed around his cock as it swelled further. She didn't make it. He convulsed, jabbing his cock further into her mouth as he flooded her throat. She squeezed his pulsing cock, swallowing desperately as he breathed her name.

She coughed and raised her head, her lips practically numb as he shuddered again and splattered her neck and shoulder with faintly bluish come.

Her neck was aching and she lowered her head, resting her forehead against his hip. He was still panting, his chest rising and falling beneath her as he started moving his fingers again, his cock softening in her hands as she panted, her lips brushing his skin. She could hear the soft sound of him moving in and out of her.

“You're so beautiful,” he rumbled, and she keened, chasing her second orgasm, thrusting her hips back against his hand as the rest of her trembled bonelessly. Her leg clipped the side of his head as she bent herself back like bow, mouth open in a wordless, almost soundless cry as she came again, caught between his finger and thumb until she finally collapsed, spent, and he gently withdrew.

“Did I kick you in the face?” she asked once she'd regained her breath, her voice muffled against him.

“Not hard,” he said, sounding relaxed and affectionate. “So you're forgiven.” She rolled off him and sat up, sweeping her hair out of her face. She was sweaty and sticky in places, but he was a mess, his fur matted and streaked with various substances. His expression was one she'd never seen before, something lax and unguarded that made her wonder for the first time what he'd looked like when he was young. Almost without thinking about it she reached out and stroked his cheek, losing herself in the warm glow of his eyes.

I'm going to tumble in and drown, she thought, and she rescued herself before she did something inappropriate. She was fairly sure he loved her, but she wasn't ready to go there yet, didn't know how to answer his feelings.

She took a deep breath.

“I think that went well,” she said. “For a first try.”

He sighed, and it might have been with relief. “I'm glad. You are marvellous.”

“I'm disgusting,” she said.

“We could have a bath,” he suggested.

She raised an eyebrow. “Are we both going to fit?”

“It might be a bit of a squeeze, but it might be fun to try.”

As it turned out they did both fit, as long as Kolivan hung his legs over the side. They'd washed off while the tub was filling and Allura pinned her hair up out of the way. Now she was curled up under Kolivan's arm in the clean water, watching the steam rise in the sunlight filtering in through the slats in the shutters.

“It feels a bit decadent having a bath during the daytime,” Kolivan said.

“I'm on holiday. I can do what I like.” Allura grinned at him. “Including you.”

He huffed in amusement and kissed her temple. “You can do that any time you like, holiday or not.”

They soaked in comfortable silence for a while, Allura playing with Kolivan's braid, brushing the end of it idly against her cheek.

“What do you think I should do?” Allura asked eventually. “I mean in general.”

Kolivan thought for a little while. “Stay,” he said. “For the summer. I think you'd like it. And when it gets cold, if you've decided where you want to go, I'd come with you if you wanted me to.”

She sat up slightly and looked at him. “What about your garden?”

“It sleeps during the colder months. I'd come back before spring to take care of it, but this house is freezing in winter,” he admitted.

“Hm.” She settled down against him again, frowning.

“You don't need to decide now, or even soon.”

“What if I haven't decided what to do by the end of summer?” Allura asked.

Kolivan smiled. “Then we'll stay here, and keep each other warm.”

“Sounds nice.” Allura let herself sink into the water up to her chin and closed her eyes. As plans went it wasn't much of one, but for now that was perfect. The summer was a way off, but for the first time since the war she found herself looking forward to something. Perhaps she'd been standing still long enough and it was time to move forward, now she realised she didn't have to do so alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. You can find me on [tumblr](http://mongoose-bite.tumblr.com/) if you want to yell about this tiny ship, or Voltron in general.


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